Coping
What is the difference between time out and walking away
Time out - you are aware of your feelings, your partner knows where you are going/how long you will be gone
Walking away - you leave for an unknown amount of time, you cope in an unhealthy way etc...
What is the difference between guilt and shame?
Shame is centered on YOU - I am a bad person.
Guilt is about what you did - I did something bad.
How do you get off the swoop?
Take a Time out
The glasses in the CBT model represent _______
Our core beliefs
Worldview
Past experiences that color the way we believe the world should work
What are the three As of coping with emotions?
Awareness
Acceptance
Action
Anger is a bad, destructive emotion we should avoid at all costs. True or false?
False!
Assertive communication will always result in both people being happy with the outcome. True or false?
False
I yelled SO she would listen to me
I broke her phone SO she could not call her friends
These are examples of ________ violence
Instrumental
When we reach the choice point we have three options. What are they?
Respond
React
Avoid
How would you make the emotion of jealousy bigger (unhealthy)?
Look for "evidence," stew on everything she has ever done, come up with scenarios, call/text her over and over
What is the antidote to shame?
Compassion and connection
Your partner says to you, "you are such a slob, you never pick up after yourself!!!"
Respond with an I statement and a request.
I feel _____ when you ______. Next time please _______.
What does emotional abuse look like?
Ignoring partner, gaslighting, minimizing/denying harm caused, humiliating them, guilting them etc...
Where does the Man Box fit into the CBT model?
The glasses (core beliefs/worldview)
Give three examples of healthy coping
time out, taking a walk, phoning a supportive person
What happens when we avoid or stuff down our emotions?
They come out sideways - violence, substance use, harming ourselves etc...
How do we show we are actively listening without saying anything?
Eye contact, turned towards, no distractions, nodding etc...
What might be some physical warning signs you are going up the swoop?
Give an example of a thinking error
How can we make sadness bigger in a healthy way?
Grieving, crying, celebrating the person even though they have passed away, remembering good times with them
These 4 ways of coping with anxiety/fear are often the result of trauma (hint: 4 Fs)
Fight
Flight
Freeze
Fawn
What is one thing we should NOT do when we are trying to demonstrate active listening?
What does it mean to take accountability?
Taking ownership for your actions, apologizing, and facing consequences
How do we challenge thinking errors?
1. identify
2. match to a thinking error
3. check the "facts"
4. flip it