Situations
Your parents/guardian keep comparing you to someone else. They keep saying,
“why can’t you be more like him/her?”
I feel upset/sad/angry when you are comparing me to him/her because it makes me feel like I am not good enough. What I need is for you to value me for who I am.
“You make me so mad!”
I feel mad when you ____
What are I statements
I feel_when_because_
Your child gets home from school. They walk straight to their room. You assume something is wrong ... You
A) Burst into their room and yell at them "ARE YOU ON DRUGS?
B) Say "Hi, I hope you're doing okay. I'll give you some space but know that I am here if you need to talk"
C) Give them the silent treatment
B) Say "Hi, I hope you're doing okay. I'll give you some space but know that I am here if you need to talk"
Your teacher always makes you go in front of the class when you don’t want to.
I feel (emotion) when you tell me to go in front of the class when I don't want to.
You never listen to me!
I feel angry when you don't let me speak.
T or F:
The use of YOU statements makes for efficient communication
False
You statements are about criticizing and trying to win the fight
T or F
Being angry makes you a bad person.
F
Anger is a normal emotion. Expressing it in a healthy way (ex communication, exercise, therapy) can help us process it.
You never make it to dinner on time!
“I felt lonely when you did not come home to have dinner with me all week.
You’re too sensitive!
I feel (sad or emotion) when I hurt you with my words but don't mean to.
T or False:
Bringing up the past is important when Fair Fighting.
False:
Focus on the here and now
Your guardian raises their voice at you for getting a call from school. Use an I statement for this
I feel angry/sad/upset when you raise your voice at me.
You decided to share your biggest secret to your friend. But, your friend told your secret to people you do not like.
I felt betrayed when you told my secret.
You're such a $%^& not inviting me to your birthday party!
I feel hurt that you didn't invite me to your birthday party.
____ is allowing each other to express beliefs and feelings honestly without fear of rejection
Mutual Respect
Today was a tough day. You didn't get a chance to drink your morning coffee or eat breakfast, your favorite shirt now has stain on it and now your teacher (or boss) wants to have a meeting with you about something important. You now get home and step on your dogs duty. All you want to do is take a shower and eat but your (guardian or child) wants to have discuss a topic that's been bothering them. What do you do?
Pick a time that is right for both participants!
Today may have been overwhelming and you may not be at your best for a discussion.
You're so inconsiderate! You're always running late!
I get anxious when you don’t tell me you’re running late.
You are being so rude.
I feel uncomfortable when you raise your voice at me.
T or F: It is important to discuss multiple topics at a time so we won't forget later
False!
Discuss one issue at a time. If more than one topic/problem come up write them down
What was the quote said at the beginning of the session?
"When one seeks to win, both lose."