Funny
What's easy to get into, but hard to get out of?
Trouble
What can run but never walk, have a mouth but never talk, have a head that never weeps, and a bed that never sleeps?
A river
I am not alive, but I grow; I don't have lungs, but I need air; I don't have a mouth, but water kills me. What am I?
Fire.
A man attending his mother’s funeral, sees a woman in another pew, and experiences love at first sight. He tries to find her but has no luck. A few weeks later, he kills his sister. Why does he kill his sister?
He kills his sister in hopes of seeing the woman at her funeral.
What is able to go up a chimney when down but unable to go down a chimney when up?
An umbrella.
What gets bigger and bigger the more you remove?
A hole
If an electric train is moving north at 55 mph and the winds blowing east at 70 mph, which way does the smoke blow?
An electric train doesnt blow smoke
What runs around the whole yard without moving?
People in poverty have this. If you eat this you will die. What is it?
Nothing
A murderer is condemned to death and he has the option to die in one of the following three rooms: a room full of raging fire, a room full of assassins with loaded guns, and a room full of lions who haven’t eaten in years. Which room should he choose?
The room with the lions because if they haven’t eaten in years then they’re already dead.
Your Shadow
How many letters are in the alphabet?
Eleven letters are in “the alphabet”
What can you catch but not throw?
A cold
A woman shoots her husband and then holds him underwater for five minutes. Next, she hangs him but right after, they enjoy a nice dinner together. How is this possible?
She took a photo of her husband and then developed it in her darkroom before dinner.
You’re stuck in a room with no windows, doors, or vents to use to climb out. In the room with you is a light, a mirror, and a log of wood. How do you get out?
You turn on the light and look into the mirror. In the mirror, you see what you saw so, take the saw and cut the log in half. From there, two halves make a (w)hole and you can use that hole to climb out.
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
Because it's stuffed!
How can you throw a ball as hard as you can only to have it come back to you without it bouncing off of anything?
Throw the ball straight into the air.
How can you leave a room with two legs and return with six legs?
Bring a chair with you
I am laced twice in eternity and always within sight. What could I be?
The letter “T”.
What jumps when walking and sits when standing?
A kangaroo.
What is the center of gravity?
The letter V
I am the beginning of the end of time and space that surrounds everything and every place. What am I?
The letter “E”.
What 4-letter word can be written forward, backward or upside down, and can still be read from left to right?
NOON
Two fathers and two sons come home from the mall. Yet when they arrive home, only three people get out of the car. How is this possible?
They are a grandfather, father, and son.
Steve was murdered on Saturday afternoon. His wife said she was reading. The doorman said he was in the shower. The chef said he was making breakfast. The gardener was pruning hedges. From the information given, who committed the murder?
The chef because Steve was murdered in the afternoon yet the chef’s alibi was that he was making breakfast.