The Secret of Marriage
What is the biblical foundation of marriage: Merely a human invention or an institution established by God?
An institution established by God.
According to Ephesians 5:18, what are Christians commanded to be filled with?
The Holy Spirit.
What is the foundation of biblical love?
A committed way of life that involves self-giving action, not feelings alone.
What surprising word does Keller use to describe what a spouse can sometimes seem like over time?
A stranger.
Who wrote Chapter 6, "Embracing the Other"?
Kathy Keller.
What relationship does the Bible use as the ultimate model for Christian marriage?
Christ's relationship with the church.
Keller identifies this inner tendency as a major enemy of a healthy marriage.
Self-centeredness.
What is the term for a relationship built on promises and enduring commitment rather than mere mutual satisfaction?
A covenant.
Name the three powers Keller discusses for helping spouses grow through marriage.
Truth, love, and grace.
Both the husband and wife roles are called to share this behavior.
This New Testament passage describes marriage as a picture of Christ and the church.
Ephesians 5:21–33. Accept Ephesians 5:25–32.
Paul places this instruction immediately before his teaching about marriage in Ephesians 5:22.
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ (Ephesians 5:21).
According to 1 Corinthians 13, love is patient and kind and does not do this.
Insist on its own way, or act self-seekingly. Accept other accurate descriptions from the passage.
Grace
How does Kathy describe the woman's role in marriage as a "strong helper"?
To make up for what is lacking in him with your strength.
Keller challenges the cultural idea that a successful marriage depends on finding a perfectly compatible person who will do this for you.
Complete you, fulfill all your needs, or make you happy simply by being the perfect soulmate.
What three practices are essential to overcoming our woundedness?
Repentance, forgiveness and extending grace.
What is the danger of making romantic feelings the only measure of whether a marriage is healthy?
Feelings fluctuate; spouses may mistake a temporary loss of strong feelings for a loss of love or a reason to abandon commitment.
Your spouse points out a real weakness in your character. What two opposite mistakes should you avoid: denying the truth and doing what else?
Responding with defensiveness, condemnation, or shame instead of receiving truth with grace. Accept a thoughtful answer that recognizes both honesty and love are needed.
In the chapter's description of Christian headship, what example must shape a husband's leadership?
Jesus Christ's self-sacrificial love for the church (Ephesians 5:25).
n Keller's vision, marriage helps us understand this central Christian reality, while that same reality helps us understand marriage.
The gospel—the saving love of God revealed through Jesus Christ.
Why, in Keller's view, is spiritual transformation essential to lasting, sacrificial love in marriage?
The Holy Spirit changes our hearts and enables us to serve our spouse rather than live primarily for ourselves.
What is the difference between a contract and a covenant in Keller's book?
A contract is a consumer relationship and lasts only as long as the vendor meets your needs at a cost acceptable to you. A covenant is a sacrificial commitment to the good of the other.
What is the "Great Problem" of marriage?
The one person who holds your heart is the one most deeply hurt by your sins.
What is the central challenge of "embracing the other" in marriage?
Learning to welcome and love a spouse as a distinct person, respecting real differences rather than expecting that the other person become more like you.