Til Death Do Us Part
Both parents are peaved by the misuse of this punctuation mark, maybe because of the last name.
What is an apostrophe?
This is where Dad proposed.
What is St. Joseph's Cathedral?
Pandas are known for........ these.
What are big paws/pause?
This kid was born so fast his face was bruised.
Who is Kellen?
According to folklore, these members of a wedding party traditionally acted as decoys of the bride to trick evil spirits.
Who are Bridemaids?
Forced to endure a nightmare, Dad once painted a house in which this channel was left on the TV all day.
This kid has been to the hospital more times than the other five combined.
Who is Grady?
I did this after my wife complained that I have no sense of direction.
What is "packed up and right?"
Most people go carolling on Christmas Eve. One year, my mom went Karen-ing by asking to speak to this person. (Pun courtesy of Kellen)
Who is THE MANAGER?
Over the course of their life, the average spouse will spend this many weeks getting ready.
What is two weeks?
Somewhat oxymoronically, Dad jokes he would get this vehicle decoration.
What is a bumper sticker that says "I hate bumper stickers?"
This is the number of houses/apartments Mike and Leanne have lived in.
What is Nine?
This is the reason that melons can't get married in secret.
They canteloupe/can't elope.
During a family wrestling match around 2011, Hudson pushed Dad off the couch onto Macie, breaking this part of her body.
What is her forearm/arm?
The average couple argues about this 156 times a year.
What to eat?
Dad once said an eternity in this cafe drive though should be the first circle of Hell if Dante's cosmology of the underworld were correct.
What is Starbucks?
This is the most direct meaning of the name "O'Donnell."
Descendant of the world ruler.
This is the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breasts.
One's a crusty bus station the other's a busty crustacean.
Uncle Mark cut off Mom's biggest toenail after this falling object broke her toe right before we moved out of the house in Denver.
What is a plaster volcano?
Mom sometimes likes to tell us the ways having siblings prepares us for marriage. The highest divorce rates occur among pairings of this type of person.
What are only children?
Mom dislikes this beloved fantasy adventure movie released in 1987 because it becomes what it mocks.
What is the Princess Bride?
This is Mike's and Leanne's song.
What is Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now by Starship?
This animal is known for being extremely gullible, carrying leprosy, and rarely walking into bars because the beer is too expensive.
What is an armadillo?
Before a faux pas at Gary's and Sally's, Dad believed that grown-ups across the board absolutely did not eat this food.
What is Macaroni and Cheese?
Married people are less likely to contract this viral respiratory disease.
What is pneumonia?