Everything in Australia Wants to Kill You
This species of shark is one of the most recorded culprits when it comes to shark attacks. But these ones are unique in their ability to live in both freshwater and saltwater, so finding them in rivers is pretty common. They also have a habit of ramming into things head-first...kind of like a certain Spanish sport that involves an arena and a red cape.
What is
A bull shark?
A quick search for “random chest pain” often leads people to believe they’re experiencing this major cardiac emergency.
What is
A Heart Attack?
Bees Gees
What is
Stayin Alive?
This man crashes a wedding and sings a song with the bridesmaids to the bride to the tune of Expresso by Sabrina Carpenter.
Who is
Domingo?
"I was a sexy 4'11, 75 pound freshman."
Who is
Herman?
When this animal was first sent to England, it was believed the Australians had played a joke by sewing the bill of a duck onto a rat. Fun fact: they are one of the few venomous mammals, AND are only 1 of 5 egg-laying mammals in the entire world. The other 4 mammals that can lay eggs are various species of echidnas.
What is
A platypus?
A harmless rash that was probably just a skin reaction to rolling around in the grass, becomes much more dramatic once Google tells you that it might be this tick‑borne illness.
What is
Lyme Disease?
Dua Lipa
(There are 3 acceptable answers. Bonus 100 points if you can guess all 3)
What is
Dance the Night, Levitating, & Break My Heart?
"Mi hijo, does not have depression! He just likes the dark!"
What is
Overprotective Mom?
"I'm the master baster."
Who is
Herman?
Before the arrival of humans, Australia was home to the megafauna: the three-meter-tall ancestors of this marsupial. That would make for one VERY scary boxer!
What is
A Kangaroo?
After Googling “why am I so tired and dizzy all the time,” this condition is the first thing people convince themselves they have.
What is
Anemia/Iron Deficient Anemia?
Queen
What is
Another One Bites the Dust?
This woman really likes her meat to be cooked extremely well done. So well done to the point where the table shakes uncontrollably as she tries to saw through her steak. "Cook my meat! If I see a speck of red, I'm sending it back!"
Who is
Lisa?
"I can't afford to go to a masseuse, that's why I have a gun."
Who is
Lisette?
Australia is home to the longest fence in the world. It is 5,614 km long and was originally built to keep these wild dogs away from fertile land. Yes, they may look cute, and attacks are rare, but they have been documented attacking small children.
What is
A Dingo?
Search “ringing in my ears” and you’ll quickly find yourself reading about this chronic auditory condition.
What is
Tinnitus?
NSYNC
What is
Bye Bye Bye?
"When life is on the line, these are the three women who will answer the call, say something rude, then hang up."
What is
Hot Girl Hospital?
"We must marinate this place with our scent."
Who is
Danny?
This type of jellyfish has killed more people in Australia than stonefish, sharks, and crocodiles combined. Man, maybe we should start feeding them some cardboard to leave us alone...
What is
A box jellyfish?
Look up “stomach cramps after eating” and you’ll be convinced you suddenly developed this lifelong digestive disease.
What is
Celiac Disease?
American Authors
What is
Best Day of My Life?
"What kind of school did you say this was again?"
"It's a STEM school, miss"
What is
Classroom?
"I really thought this was a pancake store."
Who is
Chris?