Cucumber
Billie was born on December 28th, yet her birthday always falls in the summer. How is this possible?
Billie lives in the southern hemisphere.
A man stands on one side of a river, his dog on the other. The man calls his dog, who immediately crosses the river without getting wet and without using a bridge or a boat. How did the dog do it?
The river was frozen.
Two boxers are in a match scheduled for 12 rounds. (Pure boxing only – no kicking, UFC takedowns, or anything else). One of the boxers gets knocked out after only six rounds, yet no man throws a punch. How is this possible?
Both boxers are female.
The aliens are invading the Earth! They plan to invade for 25 days, starting with a small amount of land, and doubling in size every day. By the 25th day, the entire planet will be taken over. On what day will exactly half of the Earth be taken over?
Day 24 (half of the Earth will be taken over, and then it will double in size and the entire Earth will be taken over on Day 25).
A woman was horrified to find a fly in her tea. The waiter took her cup, went into the kitchen and returned with a fresh cup of tea. She shouted "You brought me the same tea!" How did she know?
She had already put sugar in it and when she tasted the new tea it was already sweet
Why can't a woman who is now living in Canada not be buried in the USA?
Because she's still alive.
When asked how old she was, Suzie replied "In two years I will be twice as old as I was five years ago." How old is she?
12 years old.
If it takes 7 machines 7 minutes to make 7 widgets, how long does it take 82 machines to make 82 widgets?
7 minutes (each machine takes 7 minutes per widget)
Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?
Mt. Everest. It just wasn’t discovered yet.
If you were running a race and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?
You would be in 2nd place. You were in 3rd place, and you passed the person in second place.
What is unusual about the following words: revive, banana, grammar, voodoo, assess, potato, dresser, uneven?
Take the first letter of each word and place it at the end. It will spell the same word backwards. (Or take off the first letter and it is a palindrome.)
How many times can you subtract the number 5 from 25?
One time. After that, it's not 25 anymore.
A plane crashed on the border of the United States and Mexico. Where were the survivors buried?
You don't bury survivors! (This is similar to: I can name 5 U. S. presidents who are not buried in the United States. The answer is: Carter, Bush, Clinton, Bush, Obama).
Which is correct to say, “The yolk of my egg is white” or “The yolk of the egg are white?”
Neither. Egg yolks are yellow.
A farmer has 17 sheep and all but 9 die. How many are left alive?
9. All but 9 died.
What is in the middle of Paris?
A farmer in Australia grows a beautiful pear tree, which he harvests to supply fruit to all the nearby grocery stores. One of the store owners has called the farmer to see how much fruit is available that he can buy. Unfortunately the farmer isn't currently near the tree, so he has to work it out in his head. He knows that the main trunk of the tree has 24 branches. That each branch has 12 boughs and that each bough has only got 6 twigs. Each one of these twigs bears one piece of fruit, so how many plums will he be able to sell to the store owner?
None. The farmer doesn't grow plums.
What word in the English language is always spelled incorrectly?
Incorrectly.
A farmer has five haystacks in one field and four haystacks in another. How many haystacks would he have if he combined them all?
One. If he combines all his haystacks, they all become one big stack.
My age today is three times what it will be three years from now minus three times what my age was three years ago. How old am I?
18 years old.
You’re standing in a hallway with three light switches on the wall, each of which turns on a different lamp inside a closed room. You can’t see inside the room, and you can’t open the door except to enter the room. You can enter the room only once. How can you tell which switch turns on which lamp?
Turn on the 1st switch and keep it on. Then, turn on the 2nd switch and leave it on for one minute. When that minute is up, turn off the 2nd switch and enter the room. One light bulb will be on (1st switch) and one will be off, but still warm (2nd switch). The cold bulb will correspond to the 3rd switch, which you never turned on.
Three fat guys stand under a normal-sized umbrella. Not a single one gets wet. Why?
It wasn't raining.