Name the Emotion
You studied hard for a test and got a lower grade than expected. You aren't necessarily angry, but you feel discouraged because your effort didn't lead to the result you wanted.
Disappointment
Someone gets criticized and immediately becomes defensive and angry. Name one emotion that could be underneath the anger.
Embarrassment, hurt, insecurity, fear, or shame.
Your friend hasn't answered your text for three hours. You think, “They're mad at me.” What emotion might that thought create?
Anxiety, worry, insecurity, or hurt.
What is the difference between reacting and responding to an emotion?
Reacting is more immediate/automatic, while responding involves pausing and intentionally choosing an action.
Your friend replies “k.” You immediately feel annoyed. What's one thing you should consider before assuming they're mad?
Tone is difficult to interpret through text, and there may be other explanations.
Your friend gets invited to something you weren't invited to. You're happy for them but also uncomfortable because you wish you had been included.
Jealousy/ Envy
A teen's best friend starts hanging out with someone new. The teen begins saying, “Whatever, they're annoying anyway.” What might be underneath the irritation?
Jealousy, insecurity, hurt, rejection, or fear of losing the friendship.
Same situation, different thought: “They're probably busy.” How might your emotional response change?
You would likely experience less anxiety or distress.
Why might “calm down” be ineffective advice for someone who's emotionally overwhelmed?
It doesn't provide an actual strategy for regulating the emotion and may feel dismissive.
You're already stressed about school when your parent reminds you to clean your room. You suddenly explode. Why might your reaction be stronger than the situation itself?
Emotional buildup/stress from other situations may have lowered your tolerance for frustration.
Someone compliments you in front of everyone, and suddenly you feel uncomfortable, exposed, and unsure how to respond.
Self-consciousness/ Embarrassment
Someone refuses to try something new and repeatedly says, “That's stupid anyway.” What emotion could potentially be driving the reaction?
Anxiety, fear, insecurity, or embarrassment.
You walk into a room and two people suddenly stop talking. Your immediate thought is, “They were definitely talking about me.” What thinking trap might this demonstrate?
Mind-reading or jumping to conclusions.
Someone rates their anger as 9/10 during an argument. Why might immediately continuing the conversation be ineffective?
High emotional arousal can make it harder to think clearly, listen, communicate effectively, and control impulses.
Someone makes a joke about you in front of friends. You laugh along but feel hurt afterward. Why might your outward reaction not match your internal emotion?
You may be trying to avoid embarrassment, rejection, conflict, or appearing vulnerable.
You snapped at someone and later realize your reaction was unfair. You feel uncomfortable because your behavior went against how you want to treat people.
Guilt
Someone is extremely controlling about a group project and becomes irritated whenever another person changes something. What could be underneath that need for control?
Anxiety, fear of failure, insecurity, or feeling overwhelmed.
Your friend cancels plans once and you think, “Nobody ever wants to spend time with me.” Identify the thinking trap.
Overgeneralization and/or all-or-nothing thinking.
Give an example of a coping strategy that could be healthy in one situation but avoidance in another.
Taking space. Temporarily stepping away to regulate can be healthy; repeatedly leaving so you never address the problem can become avoidance.
Your friend confronts you about something you did. You immediately start listing everything they've ever done wrong. What are you avoiding?
Taking responsibility and tolerating the uncomfortable emotions associated with being confronted.
What's the difference between guilt and shame?
Guilt focuses on behavior (“I did something bad”), while shame focuses on the self (“I am bad”).
Why can identifying the emotion underneath anger change how someone handles a conflict?
Because addressing the underlying emotion or need can lead to more effective communication and problem-solving than simply reacting to anger.
Explain why two people can experience the exact same event but have completely different emotional reactions.
Their interpretations, thoughts, past experiences, expectations, and beliefs about the situation may be different.
What's the difference between regulating an emotion and suppressing an emotion?
Regulation involves recognizing and managing the emotion effectively; suppression involves trying to push it away or prevent yourself from experiencing/expressing it.
Your friend doesn't invite you somewhere. You feel rejected and want to send an angry text. Give the emotionally literate response process before deciding what to do.
Identify the emotion → identify the interpretation triggering it → check the facts → regulate the intensity → identify what you need → choose how to communicate.