Describe
Does this sentence fit the "describe" skill for DEAR MAN? Yes or No
"I just feel like you never take the garbage out!"
NO
this EXPRESSES feelings, it doesn't DESCRIBE facts
Does this sentence fit the "express" skill from DEAR MAN?
I felt frustrated when I saw the dishes were not done
YES!
This sentence EXPRESSES your feelings
Does this sentence fit into the "assert" skill from DEAR MAN
You're going to do the dishes and you're going to do them now!
NO
Assert / Ask a Question - avoid demanding
this statement is a demand
Does this sentence fit into the "reinforce" skill of DEAR MAN?
"I'd appreciate it if you could do the dishes as soon as you are able."
YES!
I'd APPRECIATE it - reinforce uses manners to help the other person feel respected
What do you think the "M" in DEAR MAN stands for?
A. Stay Mindful
B. Be Mean
C. Masterfully deceive your opponent
A!
The "M" in DEAR MAN stands for "Stay Mindful"
Staying mindful refers to staying on topic and being intentional about the conversation you are having - keep it specific and to the point
The "D" in DEAR MAN is when you describe the ... ?
FACTS
When using the "Express" from DEAR MAN, you are expressing your ...
FEELINGS!
When using "Assert" from DEAR MAN, you are asserting yourself or ...
asking a question
Give an example of using "Reinforce" from DEAR MAN
Thank you!
I appreciate it!
That would be great!
What do you think the "A" in DEAR MAN stands for?
A. Acknowledge Emotions
B. Get Aggressive
C. Appear Confident
C. Appear Confident
Appear Confident refers to using body language and facial expressions to express (nonverbal) confidence.
Stand tall, shoulders back, neutral facial expressions, avoid using "um", avoid excessive fidgeting
Apply the "describe" skill from DEAR MAN to the following scenario:
Your roommate did not do the dishes that you asked them to last night
Hey, I noticed you didn't do the dishes last night.
When I got home, the dishes were not done
I know that I asked you to do your dishes yesterday, but when I got home, your dishes were not done.
Apply the "express" skill from DEAR MAN to this scenario:
Your friend did not invite you to their birthday party.
I felt sad when I didn't get invited to your party
I was disappointed that I did not get an invitation
I felt confused when you didn't invite me, I thought we were friends.
Apply the "assert" skill to the following scenario:
Your housemate left a mess of coloring supplies all over the table:
Could you please clean up your coloring supplies so I can use the table?
I would like to use the table, when will you be done coloring?
Can you let me know when you are done coloring so I can use the table?
Apply the "reinforce" skill from DEAR MAN to the following scenario:
You asked your mom to bring your lunch to school; you forgot it at home
I am sorry I forgot my lunch, but I would really appreciate it if you would bring it to me
Thank you for agreeing to bring me my lunch. I really appreciate it.
What do you think the "N" in DEAR MAN stands for?
A. Never back down
B. Negotiate
C. Be Noisy
B. Negotiate
Know your limits (what you won't allow to happen) but be flexible and compromise with the other person - it's not your way or the highway
Apply the "describe" skill from DEAR MAN to the following scenario:
You are ordering the following menu item at a drive thru: double cheeseburger with no mustard, pickles, or onions, but want to add bacon.
I would like to order a double cheeseburger. Please remove the mustard, pickles, and onions, and if possible, add bacon.
Apply the "express" skill from DEAR MAN to this scenario:
Your teacher wrongfully accused you of cheating on a test you studied really hard for:
I felt angry when I was accused of cheating. I studied really hard.
When you accused me of cheating, I felt betrayed and untrustworthy
Apply the "Assert" skill from DEAR MAN to the following scenario:
You want to use the sensory room but your peer has been in there for over 30 minutes:
I would also like to use the sensory room. When will you be done?
Could you take 5-minutes to finish up your time in the sensory room and then I can have a turn?
Can you let me know when you are done in the sensory room, I would also like to use it.
Apply the "reinforce" skill from DEAR MAN to the following scenario:
You ask a friend to go see a movie with you:
Thank you for thinking about it, I would love to spend some quality time with you
I appreciate you considering going to see a movie with me, I think we would have fun!
Name and describe all 7 components of DEAR MAN
D. E. A. R. M. A. N.
D: describe the facts
E: express your feelings/emotions
A: assert or ask a question. Avoid demanding
R: reinforce; say please and thank you, remind the other person what is in it for them.
M: stay mindful - stay focused and on topic
A: appear confident - use body language and facial expressions to communicate confidence
N: negotiate - know your limits but be flexible in the solution.