Replace defense Mechanism with coping skill
Denying or making excuses
Check the Facts and accountability
Denial
Refusing to acknowledge a painful reality. Trigger: Fear of consequences. “My drinking isn't a problem because I still work.”
Sublimation
hint: workout girl
Redirecting difficult impulses into constructive activities. Trigger: Anger or frustration. Using exercise or art to channel frustration.
Suppression
hint: put it on the shelf
Consciously choosing to set aside a difficult feeling temporarily. Trigger: Needing to function during stress. “I'll address my worry after this meeting.”
John feels jealous because his girlfriend has been spending time with her friends. Instead of acknowledging his jealousy, he accuses her of being controlling and not trusting him.
Check the Facts + DEAR MAN
“I realize I'm feeling insecure because we haven't spent much time together. That doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. Could we plan some time together this weekend?”
Blaming or projecting
Identify and own your feelings
Repression
hint: overwhelmed
Unconsciously keeping distressing thoughts or feelings outside awareness. Trigger: Overwhelming emotional pain. Being unaware of anger connected to a difficult experience.
Reaction Formation
hint: charming
Expressing the opposite of a difficult or unacceptable feeling. Trigger: Fear of rejection or uncomfortable emotions. Being excessively friendly toward someone you strongly dislike.
Compartmentalization
hint: leading a double life
Keeping conflicting feelings, values, or areas of life mentally separate. Trigger: Internal conflict. Keeping substance use separate from personal values without examining the contradiction.
Sarah has missed several days of treatment, is isolating, and has stopped practicing her coping skills. Her family expresses concern, but she insists everything is fine. Sarah says: “There's nothing wrong with me. I'm fine. Everybody needs to stop worrying about me.”
Radical Acceptance + Accountability
“I don't want to admit I'm struggling, but I've been avoiding treatment and isolating. I need to acknowledge what's happening and take one step toward getting back on track.”
Redirecting anger
DBT STOP and paced breathing
Projection
hint: jealousy
Attributing your own unwanted feelings to someone else. Trigger: Shame, jealousy, or insecurity. Accusing someone of being jealous when you're struggling with jealousy yourself.
Regression
hint: thumb sucker
Returning to earlier, less-developed ways of responding to stress. Trigger: Feeling overwhelmed. Pouting, withdrawing, or throwing a tantrum when disappointed.
Splitting
Viewing yourself, others, or situations in extremes—all good or all bad. Trigger: Fear of rejection or abandonment. “They disappointed me, so they must not care about me at all.”
Michael has a stressful day at work after his supervisor criticizes his performance. He doesn't express his frustration at work. When he gets home, his mother asks him to help with dishes, and he yells at her. Michael says: “Why are you always on my back? Can't you just leave me alone?”
DBT STOP + TIPP + Assertive Communication
“I'm frustrated about something that happened at work, and I don't want to take it out on you. I need 10 minutes to calm down, and then I'll help with the dishes.”
Avoiding difficult feelings
Radical acceptance. Name the emotion and take one manageable step
Rationalization / Excuses
Making excuses that protect self-image rather than acknowledging the full reason for behavior. Trigger: Guilt or accountability. “I yelled because they made me angry.”
Dissociation
Feeling disconnected from emotions, surroundings, or your experience. Trigger: Intense stress or trauma reminders. Feeling detached or unreal during overwhelming conflict.
Passive Aggression
hint: cop out
Expressing anger indirectly rather than communicating it openly. Trigger: Fear of confrontation. Agreeing to help, then deliberately avoiding the task.
David attends treatment and talks about wanting to maintain sobriety. However, on weekends, he continues spending time with friends who use substances. He treats his treatment goals and weekend activities as completely separate parts of his life. David says; “What I do on weekends has nothing to do with treatment. I can keep those parts of my life separate.”
Wise Mind + Values Clarification + Coping Ahead
“If sobriety is important to me, my choices outside treatment need to support that goal. I can still have a social life, but I need to make plans that don't put my recovery at risk.”
Seeing everything as all good/all bad. Black or White thinking
Wise Mind (balanced of emotion and logical response)
Displacement
hint: Napolean syndrom
Redirecting feelings toward a safer target. Trigger: Anger or powerlessness. Getting upset with your boss, then yelling at family.
Intellectualization
hint: facts
Focusing on facts and logic to avoid experiencing feelings. Trigger: Vulnerability or grief. Discussing every detail of a breakup without acknowledging sadness.
Minimization
What is
Downplaying the seriousness of a problem, behavior, or its consequences to avoid taking full responsibility.
Trigger: Shame, guilt, fear of consequences, or discomfort with accountability.
Example: “I only missed a few days of treatment. It's not that big of a deal,” despite the absences affecting recovery progress.
Alex becomes angry during an argument and throws his phone against the wall. When his family confronts him, he downplays the situation because nobody was physically hurt. Alex say: “It was just a phone. Nobody got hurt. You're making a big deal out of nothing.”
Accountability + Opposite Action + Emotion Regulation
“I was angry, and throwing my phone wasn't an appropriate way to handle it. Even though nobody was hurt, my behavior was destructive. Next time, I'll use STOP, walk away temporarily, and practice paced breathing before responding.”