Family Roles
This family member often tries to keep everyone happy and prevent conflict.
What is the Peacemaker?
“I don't want anyone to be upset with me, so I'll just agree with everyone.”
What is the People-pleaser?
Asking a family member if they need support when they're struggling.
Healthy
Your parents begin arguing at dinner. You immediately start making jokes to change the subject.
Instead of automatically saying yes, what is one thing you can say when you need time to think?
“Let me think about it and get back to you.”
This person frequently takes responsibility for other people's emotions or problems.
What is the Caretaker?
“Everyone comes to me when they're having a problem because I'm the one who knows how to fix things.”
What is the Fixer/Caretaker?
Feeling responsible for making sure everyone in your family gets along.
Unhealthy
Your sibling is upset about their relationship, and you spend two hours trying to solve the problem for them.
What is the Caretaker/Nurturer/Fixer?
If you usually fix everyone's problems, what could you practice doing instead?
Allowing others to solve their own problems.
This family member may become the person everyone blames when there is conflict.
What is the Scapegoat?
“If something goes wrong in my family, somehow it ends up being my fault.”
What is the Scapegoat?
Saying, “I love you, but I'm not able to help with that right now.”
Your family is upset because you made a decision they disagree with. You feel responsible for fixing everyone's feelings.
What is the Peacemaker/People Pleaser?
If your family expects you to always be the peacemaker, what could you practice?
Expressing your own honest feelings, even when conflict occurs.
This person takes on adult responsibilities or emotional responsibilities before they are developmentally ready.
What is the Parentified Child?
“I learned early that I needed to be responsible, successful, and make my family proud.”
Canceling your own plans because you feel guilty saying no to a family member.
Unhealthy pattern
You move out of your family's home but still feel like you have to manage your parents' emotions.
What is the Overfunctioner?
What is one question you can ask yourself before taking responsibility for someone else's problem?
“Is this actually mine to carry?”
This role may use humor, silliness, or entertainment to distract from family tension.
What is the Clown/Jester/Mascot?
“I learned to stay quiet and keep my needs to myself because it was easier than creating more conflict.”
What is the Invisible Child?
Allowing someone to experience the consequences of their own choices instead of fixing the problem for them.
Healthy
You realize you've always been the one to do it all and now struggle to ask others for help.
What is the Overachiever?
You notice yourself falling into an old family role. What are three things you can do before automatically responding?
Pause, identify the role/pattern, and choose a different response.