T.I.P.P.S
This letter in the TIPPS acronym stands for changing your body chemistry rapidly, often using ice water or a cold pack on your face.
What is Temperature?
The abbreviation "ANTs" stands for these unhelpful, immediate reactions to a situation.
What are Automatic Negative Thoughts
This type of boundary is healthy; it means you can let the good things in and keep the bad things out, adapting to different situations.
What is a flexible boundary?
The main reason we use "I" statements instead of "You" statements is to prevent the other person from becoming this.
What is defensive?
This conflict style involves giving up what you want just to keep the peace and make the other person happy.
What is Accommodating? (Accept: "People-pleasing").
Doing jumping jacks, running in place, or lifting weights falls under this "P" in TIPPS to help burn off intense emotional energy.
What is Intense Exercise?
CBT is based on the idea that these three things are completely interconnected and constantly influence each other.
What are Thoughts, Feelings (Emotions), and Behaviors?
If someone has a "rigid" boundary, they are likely to do this when someone tries to get close to them or offer help.
What is building a wall / shutting people out / pushing people away?
This is the standard, 3-part formula for building a basic "I" statement.
What is "I feel [feeling] when [behavior/situation] because [reason]"?
These are physical sensations in the body (like a racing heart, sweaty palms, or a tight chest) that act as early warning signs that a conflict is heating up.
What are physiological triggers? (Accept: "body signals" or "somatic signs").
When practicing Paced Breathing, you want to make sure this part of the breath cycle is longer than the other.
What is the exhale? (Exhaling longer than you inhale).
This specific ANT involves looking at a situation as either 100% perfect or a total failure, with no middle ground.
What is All-or-Nothing Thinking? (Accept: Black-and-White thinking).
True or False: Setting a boundary is a way to control or change someone else's behavior.
What is False? (Boundaries are about communicating your own limits and what you will do to protect your peace).
Fix this statement: "I feel like you are being a total jerk and ignoring me."
"I feel hurt and left out when we don't talk for a few days." (Must replace the blame/insult with a true feeling and a specific behavior).
This conflict style is a "win-win" where both people work together to find a solution that fully satisfies both of their needs.
What is Collaborating?
This skill involves tightening a muscle group (like your shoulders), holding it for 5 seconds, and then completely releasing it.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation
Assuming you know exactly what someone else is thinking about you—usually something bad—without any actual proof.
What is Mind Reading?
Someone stands too close to you in line, or hugs you without asking. They have crossed this type of boundary.
What is a physical boundary?
In an "I" statement, you should state the facts of what happened without using these two absolute words, which usually cause arguments.
What are "Always" and "Never"?
This is the difference between a primary emotion and a secondary emotion.
What is: A primary emotion is the first, raw reaction (like hurt), and a secondary emotion is the reaction to the primary emotion (like turning that hurt into anger).
What is the goal of TIPPS?
The primary goal of using TIPPS skills is not to solve the problem immediately, but to take steps to ground the emotional nervous system when we are in crisis.
This is the process of pausing an ANT, looking at the actual facts for and against it, and replacing it with a more balanced thought.
What is Cognitive Restructuring? (Accept: "Thought Challenging" or "Reframing").
A friend continuously vents to you about their heavy mental health struggles without asking if you have the emotional capacity to listen. They are crossing this type of boundary.
What is an emotional boundary?
This is the sneaky trick where someone starts a sentence with "I feel," but follows it with a thought or a blame, such as "I feel that you should know better."
What is a "disguised You-statement"? (Accept: "Thinking statement" or "Fake I-statement").
When a conflict is too intense for a productive conversation, taking this 20-minute break allows your amygdala to cool down so your thinking brain can take back over.
What is a Cool-Down Period? (Accept: "Time out" or "Taking a break").