ALL OR NOTHING
This CBT thinking pattern sees situations in extremes: good or bad, success or failure, right or wrong.
What is all-or-nothing (black-and-white) thinking?
“My boss corrected something I did. I must suck at my job.”
What is turning one piece of criticism into a conclusion about your entire ability?
The AND Rule teaches us that instead of life always being “either/or,” sometimes it can be this.
What is both/and?
True or False: Someone can be struggling and still be making progress.
TRUE.
Clue: Complete the pair: A person can be struggling AND ________.
Strong.
All-or-nothing thinking leaves very little room for this area between two extremes.
What is the gray area?
“My friend forgot to call me back. They're obviously a terrible friend.”
What is judging the entire person based on one action?
Rewrite using the AND Rule:
“I’m anxious, but I can do this.”
“I'm anxious AND I can do this.”
“I had one bad day, so I'm back to square one.” What important thing is this thought ignoring?
All of the progress already made.
Clue: Complete the pair:
You can be afraid AND ________.
Brave.
“I lost my temper today, so I'm just a mean, angry person.” This shows how all-or-nothing thinking can increase these two negative reactions toward ourselves.
What are shame and self-criticism?
“I still have anxiety, so obviously therapy isn't working.”
What is ignoring progress because a problem still exists?
Rewrite using the AND Rule:
“I made a mistake, but I'm still making progress.”
“I made a mistake AND I'm still making progress.”
A person has a craving after 90 days without using and says, “If I were really recovering, I wouldn't have cravings.” Challenge the thought.
Having a craving does not mean recovery isn't happening; someone can experience cravings AND continue making progress.
Clue: Complete the pair:
You can accept yourself AND ________.
Work on changing.
“If I can't do this perfectly, what's the point of trying?” demonstrates this harmful effect of black-and-white thinking.
What are unrealistic expectations/perfectionism?
“I can't fix everything going wrong in my life right now, so there's no point doing anything.”
What is ignoring smaller solutions because the whole problem can't be solved immediately?
Rewrite this thought using the AND Rule:
“Recovery is hard, so maybe I'm just not ready for it.”
“Recovery is hard AND I can still be ready to change.”
Someone misses one treatment session and thinks, “I already screwed up, so I might as well stop coming.” What would healthier thinking focus on?
Correcting the setback and continuing forward rather than treating one mistake as total failure.
Clue: Complete the pair:
You can feel unmotivated AND ________.
Still work hard.
Name THREE ways all-or-nothing thinking can interfere with positive change.
Any three: increases shame/self-criticism, makes setbacks feel final, creates unrealistic expectations, intensifies emotions, hurts relationships, reduces problem-solving, or interferes with growth/recovery.
“I've been doing well for three months, but I screwed up yesterday. I knew I couldn't change.” Name TWO problems with this thinking.
One setback is being treated as total failure AND previous progress is being ignored/erased.
Someone says:
“I'm scared about what my life will look like sober. If I were really ready for recovery, I wouldn't be scared.”
Example: “I can be scared AND ready for recovery at the same time.”
A client has six months without using and experiences a lapse. Give an example of an all-or-nothing response AND a healthier CBT response.
All-or-nothing: “I ruined everything. I'm back to square one.”
Healthier: “I had a setback AND the progress I've made still matters. I need to learn from this and get back on track.”
Your team has 30 seconds to come up with FIVE examples of two seemingly opposite things that can both be true at the same time.
Acceptable answers include:
Struggling AND strong
Afraid AND brave
Anxious AND hopeful
Independent AND needing support
Hurting AND healing
Making mistakes AND making progress
Angry at someone AND loving them
Grieving AND grateful
Unmotivated AND working hard
Missing something AND moving on