Goals & Priorities
"Interpersonal Effectiveness" skills support us in these types of goals.
What are relationship goals?
The "D" in DEARMAN stands for this word, in which we stick to the facts.
What is "Describe?"
Name 1 example of how someone can use an "easy manner"
What is:
-Smile
-Use humor
-Use relaxed body language
-"Leave attitude at the door"
Name the two parties that we have to be fair to when we use this skill.
What are:
1) Ourselves
2) The other person/people
You notice the thought, "If I ask for this, they will think I am stupid." Which state of mind are you most likely in?
What is Emotion Mind?
If our aim is to ask for something, say no, or set ourselves up for success in getting somebody to do what we want, we would use this skill.
What is DEARMAN?
The "DEAR" in DEARMAN is what we are asking for, but the "MAN" is this.
What is how we ask?
The "G" in GIVE stands for this
What is "Be Gentle?"
The "A" in FAST stands for this
What is: No Apologies (Not over/under apologizing)
Provide a challenge for this myth/worry thought:
"If I make a request or ask for help, I will look weak."
What is: "It takes strength to ask for help from someone else"
If our priority in an interaction is to keep or maintain a positive, healthy relationship, we would use this skill.
What is GIVE?
Name 1 strategy we can use while using DEARMAN and staying Mindful of our ultimate goal?
What is:
1) Being a "broken record"
AND/OR
2) Ignoring attacks
TRUE OR FALSE: Before we can validate someone, we must first be personally interested in what they are saying.
What is FALSE?
While it's important that we Act Interested, that sometimes means paying attention to what they're saying even when we may not usually be interested on a personal level.
Give an example of a value of yours that you might stick to if you are using the FAST skill.
What is:
Being part of a group, being responsible, learning, having fun, being healthy, building character, etc...
You notice the thought, "I can handle it if I don't get what I am asking for." Which state of mind are you most likely in?
What is Wise Mind?
If our primary goal in a relationship interaction is to maintain our self-respect/feel good about ourselves afterwards, we would use this skill.
What is FAST?
While we may not actually be feeling this, we prioritize appearing this in order to increase effectiveness in our request.
What is confident?
True or False: "Validation" and "Problem Solving" are synonyms.
What is FALSE?
Validation and Problem Solving are different approaches. We can validate before we ask someone if they want our help with problem solving.
Name 1 way that we can practice Being Truthful when using the FAST skill
What is:
1) Don't lie
2) Don't act helpless when you're not
3) Don't make up excuses/exaggerate
Name 3 (out of 6) factors to consider when you are planning on asking for something or saying no.
What is:
1) Priorities
2) Capability
3) Timeliness
4) Preparation
5) Relationship
6) Give & Take
Name 3 (out of 5) factors that can potentially get in the way of achieving our goals in interpersonal effectiveness.
What are:
1) Lack of skills/knowledge
2) Worry thoughts
3) Emotions
4) Can't decide priorities
5) Environment
Give an example of a full DEAR script.
Points given if you were able to:
1) Describe (sticking to facts)
2) Express (with "I feel")
3) Assert (your ask)
4) Reinforce (what's in it for them?)
Your friend expresses that, since starting in a new role at work, they have been feeling very stressed and have been doubting their professional abilities. They say to you, "Everyone absolutely hates me at work. I can't do anything right. I'm going to have to quit and then I won't be able to pay my bills."
Give an example of how you could validate the valid (without validating the invalid).
What is: "I can hear and understand how stressed you are feeling, how many painful thoughts you've been having about work, and how quitting and struggling seems like the only possibility right now."
Hint: We can validate the emotion without validating the thoughts/behaviors.
Give an example for what it might sounds like to over apologize or under apologize for something.
What is:
An example where the intensity of the apologize itself doesn't fit the situation (such as saying "sorry" for asking a question at work)
True or False: If I complete a DEARMAN and don't receive what I was asking for, that definitely means I was not being skillful enough in my approach.
What is FALSE?
Hint: While we can always practice/troubleshoot/improve our skills, the people were are using skills with may not respond skillfully (and that does not mean we are not being skillful!)