DEAR MAN
True or False: It is important to clarify your goals before having an assertive conversation?
True. Clarifying your goal in the conversation will help you to speak directly and clearly, because you will know exactly what you want to ask for.
The GIVE FAST Skills are part of the _____ skills in the assertiveness skills.
The HOW skills.
True or False: Getting what I want is more important than how I get it.
False - getting what you want at any cost can lead to relationships ending.
Name 1 way you can meet new people.
Look for people who are similar/have similar interests to me.
Look for people who are close by (familiarity can lead to friendship).
Explain the term dialectics/dialectical.
2 things that seem opposite, are true at the same time
The 'D' in DEAR MAN stands for...
Describe. Make sure to stick to the facts and remain objective!
This set of 'HOW' skills are used when you want to prioritize keeping the relationship.
GIVE skills
Myth or Fact: Asking for help/change means I am weak.
Myth - everyone needs help at some point. Expressing your needs can actually be seen as a sign of strength/confidence too.
Name 1 strategy that can improve your conversation skills.
Ask (and respond) to questions.
Make small talk.
Don't interrupt.
Learn new things to talk about.
Give an example of a dialectic statement.
Eg: You can be independent and want or ask for help.
You can disagree and still be friends.
My mental illness is not my fault, but it is my responsibility.
I can be working to change, and still need to try harder/be more motivated to change.
True or False: When expressing your feelings it is ok to say "you should" or "you shouldn't" statements.
False! Always try to use 'I statements' when expressing your feelings and needs.
This set of 'HOW' skills are used when you want to prioritize maintaining your self-respect.
Myth or Fact: It is important to tell people what we need because otherwise they can't know.
Fact - expecting that others will read our minds/know what we need intuitively is unfair to the other person and can lead to more conflict in relationships.
True or False: Conflict in relationships is a sign that you should end the relationship.
False - conflict in relationships is normal. How you respond, communicate, and work together to problem solve is a better indicator of whether or not a relationship should be ended.
True or False: You cannot validate someone if you do not agree with them.
False: you can still validate a person's feelings, without agreeing with them. (e.g. I can validate your anger, without agreeing on what you are angry about).
The 'R' in DEAR MAN stands for....
Reinforce! Explain the positive effects of what following through on your request might look like. (e.g. "I think this will help our relationship....", or "I will feel way less anxious and be able to be more fun when we are together...")
True or False: When using the GIVE skills, it is ok to blame the other person and invalidate their experience since I know I am right.
False!
G: be Gentle
I: act Interested
V: Validate
E: use Easy manner
True or False: Being willing to negotiate means that I will never get what I want in a relationship.
False - while you can be assertive and firm about what you want, you still can be willing to negotiate to help the other person to feel validated and respected too.
What mind should you be in when you decide to end a relationship?
Wise Mind.
Try to avoid making decisions about ending relationships if you are in Emotion Mind.
John is upset, saying that he failed an important exam. George looked at the results and saw that John got a passing score of 60%. How can George be validating, while only validating the valid?
Ex: I know you didn't do as well as you wanted to and that is really disappointing.
*Not validating/agreeing that he failed, but acknowledging his disappointment in the score.
What does the MAN acronym stand for?
M: Stay Mindful
A: Appear Confident
N: Negotiate
If I have used the GIVE skills with a friend and they continue to push for what they want, what IE skills should I start to use?
FAST skills.
F: be Fair
A: no Apologies
S: Stick to values
T: be Truthful
Myth or Fact: Saying no to a request is a selfish thing to do.
Myth - it is ok to say no if something goes against your values, and you have a right to set boundaries.
Name 1 skill that you can use once you have decided to end a relationship.
Problem Solving, Cope Ahead, Opposite Action, or DEAR MAN/GIVE/FAST
False! Validation is important in any relationship - friendships, partners, parents, children - everyone can benefit from validation.