Slang
A big lump of yarn
What is Yarn Barf?
This is the hilarious physical reflex that compels a crafter to smash a brand-new skein of yarn directly against their face in the middle of a store isle.
What is the Softness Squish Test?
This awkward physical state happens when you sit cross-legged on the floor or couch crafting for so long that your foot completely goes to sleep.
What is pins and needles?
This syndrome describes the acute anxiety felt when your yarn ball is dwindling, and you are racing against time to finish the row before running out completely.
What is Yarn Chicken?
This awkward social dynamic occurs when a friend asks you to make them a giant, intricate blanket, assuming it will cost you exactly this much money and effort.
What is "Can You Make Me This For Free?" Syndrome?
A knitting marathon that results in knitting all night.
What is an All-Knitter?
This is the exact number of seconds it takes a crafter to completely change their mind about an entire project layout because they saw a shiny new colourway on an end-cap display.
What is one second?
This heartbreaking disaster occurs when you leave your project on the couch for two minutes, and your family dog or cat decides it is a brand-new chew toy.
What is a Pet Sabotage Event?
This condition involves buying more beautiful skeins under the delusion that purchasing the yarn is the exact same hobby as actually sitting down to craft with it.
What is Stash Acquisition Syndrome (SAS)?
This severe social impairment manifests as nodding politely at a non-crafter while internally counting stitches and silently wishing they would stop talking.
What is Conversational Stitch-Counting?
You “rip it” back, which sounds like the sound a frog makes.
What is Frogging?
This funny mathematical delusion occurs when you buy six skeins of yarn without having any actual project in mind, claiming you are doing this for the future.
What is building the stash?
This funny structural failure happens when your giant yarn ball rolls off your lap, escapes across the living room floor, and ends up covered in dust bunnies under the couch.
What is a Runaway Yarn Ball?
You might suffer from this specific affliction if you cast on a brand-new blanket or sweater, lose interest halfway through, and immediately start another one.
What is Second Project Syndrome (or Cast-On-itis)?
This specific social panic occurs at a craft night when everyone else is making rapid progress on a project, while you have spent the last two hours untangling a single knot.
What is Stitch-Group Shame?
Knitting related tasks that you dread completing.
What is Knitpicking?
This awkward shopping moment happens when you sneak a giant bag of new yarn into the house and try to hide it under your bed before anyone notices.
What is Stash Smuggling?
This specific balance hazard happens when you try to walk across the room while actively crafting, causing you to trip over your own working strand.
What is Yarn Tripping?
A knitter has difficulty starting or completing a pair of socks.
What is Second Sock Syndrome?
The uncomfortable social interaction where a well-meaning stranger stops you in public, points at your clearly handmade item, and calls it the exact opposite craft of what it actually is.
What is Craft Misidentification Syndrome?
When you have a million “important” things to do but all you really want to do is knit.
What is Procrastiknitting?
This tragic budget disaster happens when you walk into a craft store strictly to buy one tiny darning needle, and walk out $80 later with three mystery cakes of yarn.
What is a Craft Store Impulse Buy?
This sudden sensory jump-scare happens when you are counting a crucial row in complete silence, and someone suddenly walks in and loudly says hello.
What is a Count-Ruining Scare?
This paralyzing condition strikes when you finally finish a massive project and stare blankly at your stash, utterly incapable of choosing your next cast-on.
What is Project Postpartum (or Crafting Paralysis)?
This painful social phenomenon occurs when you gift a luxury, hand-crafted item to a friend, only to later discover they threw it in a hot washing machine and felted it into doll clothes.
What is "Not Craft-Worthy" Induced Trauma?