Laws of MS Motion
This law states that a middle schooler walking in the hallway will remain at a standstill looking at their phone until acted upon by an angry hall monitor.
What is Newton's First Law of Hallway Inertia?
The standard chemical formula for the substance that mysteriously blankets every desk, floor, and ceiling tiles after a "clean and simple" sedimentary rock lab.
What is Glitter (or Sand)?
When a student tells you your explanation of photosynthesis is "cooking," they are not referring to thermal energy, but rather this compliment.
What is doing a great job?
The primary biological excuse used by students who claim their cellular waste system will literally explode if they aren't allowed to go to the bathroom right now.
What is Bladder Urgency (or Homeostasis Failure)?
The atomic element symbolized by "Em," which represents information that could easily have been delivered asynchronously via text but was instead a 45-minute presentation.
What is an Email?
The mathematical calculation used to determine how 32 students can simultaneously fit through a single doorway at the sound of the dismissal bell.
What is Fluid Dynamics / High-Velocity Compression?
This safety item is supposedly meant for chemical splashes but is primarily used by 8th graders to take distorted selfies or pretend they are in a sci-fi movie.
What are Safety Goggles?
If a student claims their lab partner has "rizz," they are observing a high level of this social attraction force, not a specific element on the periodic table.
What is Charisma?
The exact number of seconds a teacher can leave their classroom unsupervised before the room undergoes a phase change from "ordered state" to "complete chaos."
What is 3 seconds?
The physical barrier that experiences a catastrophic mechanical failure exactly 5 minutes before you need to print 90 copies of a final exam study guide.
What is the Faculty Copier?
The mysterious acoustic phenomenon where a teacher can scream a student's name from two feet away with zero response, but a whisper about a pop quiz across the room is instantly detected.
What is Selective Auditory Resonance?
The sensory phenomenon that occurs exactly 4 seconds into a biology lab involving pond water, causing the teacher to question all of their life choices.
What is the Smell of Rotting Organisms?
This four-letter word is yelled when throwing a crumpled piece of paper toward the recycling bin to invoke the spirit of accuracy, though it usually results in a kinetic miss.
What is "Yeet"
The phenomenon where a student asks to go to the nurse, but their biological pathway mysteriously routes them past three friends' classrooms and the gym.
What is Migratory Deviation?
The phrase uttered by an administrator that instantly causes a teacher's heart rate to spike into the aerobic zone during an unexpected knock on the door.
What is "Do you have a quick second?"
This object, when dropped from desk height, defies gravity by instantly rolling into a parallel universe, never to be found by its owner.
What is a single mechanical pencil lead (or a glue stick cap)?
The astronomical miracle that occurs once a year when every single stopwatch in a physics lab is returned fully functional and not set to military time or an alarm.
What is a Solar Eclipse of Lab Management?
When a student calls a textbook or a quiz "mid," they are defining it as this statistical value.
What is the Median / Average (or mediocre)?
This type of cellular division resembles a middle school hallway during a passing period: highly unorganized, crowded, and resulting in two separate, loud groups.
What is Cytokinesis?
The physical reaction involving the heavy dropping of a chin onto a chest, frequently observed among staff during data-driven professional development sessions.
What is Microsleep / Involuntary Nodding?
The theoretical point in space-time achieved when a student realizes they have to walk all the way back to their locker for a pencil, moving at the slowest speed known to science.
What is Absolute Zero Velocity?
This is the actual biological term for what happens to a borrowed box of colored pencils over the course of a 45-minute lab period.
What is Decomposing / Rapid Extinction?
If a student sighs and says "No cap" after you explain a difficult test question, they are validating your statement with this traditional scientific term.
What is "Truth" (or "No lie")?
The psychological condition a teacher develops on Sunday night, characterized by phantom sounds of Chromebook timers and the smell of old gym socks.
What is Pre-Weekly Synthesized Anxiety?
The mythical state of existence where a teacher's contract hours perfectly align with the amount of grading, lesson planning, and lab prep required of them.
What is Science Fiction / Utopian Theory?