Red Flag Green Flag
When your partner asks to check your phone, text history, or location 24/7
Red Flag
A word that refers to having your own friends, hobbies, and goals separate from your partner/friends/family.
What is:
Independence (or Individuality)
This spooky word refers to cutting all contact with someone you’re dating without any explanation.
What is:
Ghosting
Something that can be a good foundation for a house, but not for a relationship, this action involves intentionally ignoring your partner when they speak to you in (or after) an argument as a way to punish them.
What is:
Stonewalling?
It is totally OK to let go of all your limits and boundaries for your partner, for them to feel more comfortable.
What is:
False
In a secure and safe relationship, limits/boundaries are shared, discussed, and respected.
When someone constantly makes fun of their loved one, but brushes it off as just a joke, telling them they are just being sensitive when they get upset.
What is:
Red Flag
Also a song by Aretha Frankin, this refers to valuing another person's opinions, boundaries, and differences, even when you disagree with them.
What is:
Respect
This type of skill involves listening and focusing on what the other person is saying instead of spending time thinking of a better come back.
What is:
Active Listening
This term refers to attacking someone's character (for example - You are a horrible listener) instead of identifying the behavior and the ways it affected you in a disgreement
What is:
Criticism
In an argument with someone (especially your partner) the most important thing is to figure out who was right and who was wrong.
What is:
False
Trying to determine who is right/wrong often leads to conflict, disconnection, and resentment. Instead, try to find your way to understanding your partner's perspective and moving together towards a mutually agreeable solution.
Your partner/friend/loved one asks for your permission before posting a photo of you on social media (for example, Instagram or TikTok)
What is:
Green Flag
When you tell a friend/roommate/partner/loved one you need a few hours of quiet time after a stressful work shift, and they respect your request by doing this.
What is:
Give you space
In an argument, this is a skill you could use to express your thoughts, feelings, boundaries, and or requests without criticizing or blaming the other person.
What are:
"I" statements
For example:
I feel ___________(feeling) _______________ (or) I think ___________(thought) ___________
When you: _____(behavior) _____
And I would like you to _____(request) ________
Or (optional) I will need to ___(boundary)______
Something that goalies of any sport need to be good at, this refers to making excuses or deflecting blame after feeling criticized by your partner.
What is:
Defensiveness (or Defense)
Once you have set a boundary in a relationship, you need to continue to stick to it, no matter what.
What is:
False
It is OK to change your boundaries at any point.
You find out your friend/partner/family member/loved one just got a raise at their job and you suggest doing something to celebrate this together.
What is:
Green Flag
Something you can do when you realize you have made a mistake and hurt someone as a way to try to rebuild trust and respect in a relationship.
What is:
Apologize (or take accountability)
This word refers to putting yourself in some else's shoes to truly understand what they are feeling or experiencing.
What is:
Empathy
Something a partner can do to communicate to a loved one that they are loved, cared, and valued by them.
What is:
Express Appreciation
Research now indicates that communication is the most important thing in building a secure relationship.
What is:
False (it is attachment)
When you point out something your friend/loved one/partner did that hurt you and they flip the script to make themselves look like the victim, using the DARVO tactic (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender)
What is:
Red Flag
Something that can be done when someone finds they are overwhelmed, yelling, and reactive in an argument with a friend or loved one.
What is:
Take a break to settle and allow your brain to come back online.
Using these two words (for example, "You ______ do this") in an argument can often lead to the other person becoming defensive.
What are:
"Always" and "Never"
Expressed through sarcasm, cynicism, name-calling, eye-rolling, or hostile humor, reacting this way to a partner is the single greatest predictor of a breakup
What is:
Contempt
In a secure relationship, it is OK to set boundaries, express yourself, and ask for your needs, even if it triggers your partner.
Answer:
True
In a secure relationship, each partner is able to do all of the above.