Conversation
A man approaches an employee at Petsmart to ask what kind of cat food is best for elderly cats. They briefly engage in small talk, but the main purpose of the interaction is for the man to find out what cat food to buy. What kind of conversation is this?
A. Transactional
B. Interactional
Transactional
You get hit by a car and are severely bleeding.
What is the size of this problem?
Why?
Level 4 or 5
True or False: Different situations have different expected and unexpected behaviors. For example, a behavior that is expected when hanging out in your friend's apartment may be unexpected in a college class.
Bonus 100 points: give an example of a behavior that would be expected at your friend's apartment and unexpected in a college class
True
It’s your birthday and your grandma gave you a really ugly sweater with a giant teddy bear on it. You can tell that your grandma made it herself and is really proud of it. Even though you hate the sweater and never plan on wearing it, you say, “I like it grandma, thank you!” This is an example of...
Social faking
Which of the following behaviors would lead you to believe that your conversation partner is bored
A. Frequent eye contact and nodding
B. Frequently checking their phone in the middle of the conversation
C. Smiling
D. Sitting in a chair
B. Frequently checking their phone in the middle of the conversation
What is the difference between an interactional or transactional conversation?
Transactional: A brief conversation in which the purpose is to obtain something, such as information or an item
Interactional: An exchange of ideas and questions for the purpose of forming connections and getting to know someone better is called.
Kyle spills coffee on his shirt. He decides to tear off his shirt and throw it on the ground.
What is the size of the problem?
What is the size of the reaction?
Size of the problem: Size 1
Size of the reaction: 4 or 5
You are at the grocery store and you ask the person in front of you in line if you can check out first because you didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.
Is this expected or unexpected?
Unrxpected
In the middle of class, Grace notices that her Professor's shirt is on inside out. She wants to let her professor know so she can fix it. What is the appropriate response?
A. Use her social filter and don't mention it to the professor at all. Someone else will let the professor know.
B. Raise her hand and let the professor know right away, even if it is in the middle of class. After all, it is important and she is sure that professor would like to know.
C. Use her social filter and at the end of class approach the professor and let her know.
C. Use her social filter and at the end of class approach the professor and let her know.
There is nothing that the professor would be able to do about her shirt in the middle of class and raising your hand during class would come off as being disrespectful.
Kim sees Annie every Wednesday and Friday during her college class, Intro to Music. They usually say hi to each other, and their conversations are mostly about the course material. They have never made plans to hang out outside of class. Where does Annie fall on Kim’s relationship continuum?
Stranger
Acquaintance
Casual Friend
Close Friend
Aquaintence
What is one method of continuing a conversation that was discussed in class?
Add-a thought
Ask a question
Eddie and Joseph are playing a Call of Duty in Joseph's apartment. Eddie beats Joseph 2 times in a row and begins to tease Joseph about his video game skills. Joseph is upset by this teasing and feels like he wants to yell at Eddie and punch him in the face.
What is the size of the problem?
How should Joseph react to this problem?
A. Size 5: Catastrophy. Go with your gut. If you want to yell at Eddie and punch him in the face, go for it. He is being a jerk.
B. Size 2: Something you can handle on your own. Excuse yourself to go to the bathroom in order to help yourself calm down. When you feel calm, approach Eddie and calmly let him know that you didn’t appreciate the teasing.
C. Size 3: Problem that requires help from others. Call a staff member right away before trying to solve the problem on your own.
D. Size 1: minor problem. Tell everyone who Eddie is friends with about his mean behavior to turn all of his friends against him.
B. Size 2: Something you can handle on your own. Excuse yourself to go to the bathroom in order to help yourself calm down. When you feel calm, approach Eddie and calmly let him know that you didn’t appreciate the teasing.
List two expected behaviors during a conversation
Typically begins with some sort of greeting (e.g. “Hey! How are you? How was your weekend?” )
Making eye-contact with the conversation partner
Whole body listening/ good body language
Nodding and commenting to show that you are paying attention
Keep the conversation going by building and responding to the conversation partner’s comments
This includes asking questions to gather more information
Waiting to respond until there is a break in the conversation
Providing breaks when you are speaking to allow the communication partner to contribute
Monitoring communication partner’s reactions/response to make sure that the conversation is interesting for both of you
True or False: I should use my social filter in the exact same way in every situation.
False: There are different sets of expected and unexpected behaviors depending on where you are who you are with (i.e., Location, Purpose of the interaction, Level on the relationship continuum)
True or False: Your boss or professor is responsible for finding out if you have a disability and making sure your needs are met.
False. You have to advocate for yourself to make sure that your needs are met
Sadie and John (2 college students who sit next to each other in class) are having an interactional conversation, but it is not going as smoothly as Sadie would like.
Sadie: Hi John. Do you like sports?
John: Yeah, I do. My favorite sport is basketball.
Sadie: Cool. What is your favorite animal?
John: I’d have to say dogs. I just love how happy they are
Sadie: Nice. What is your favorite TV show?
John: Family Guy. I really like Seth MacFarlane's sense of humor.
Sadie: Ok, bye.
John: Uh, bye… talk to you soon I guess.
What could Sadie have done differently in order to have a more successful interaction?
a. Listen to John’s answers and use add-on comments or follow-up questions that go along with what John had said.
b. Ask more yes/no questions.
c. Give John a high-five
d. Buy John a puppy because he said he likes dogs
a. Listen to John’s answers and use add-on comments or follow-up questions that go along with what John had said.
True or False: the size of the problem depends on how we personally feel about the problem
False: The size of the problem is objective
It has nothing to do with how you feel about it
Minor problem is always a minor problem regardless of how you respond/react to it
You have the right to feel any way you want about a problem (internal reaction) but the size of the problem does not change (that's why we need to monitor our external reactions)
You are in class and are constantly interrupting others and you refuse to raise your hand before contributing. Is this behavior expected or unexpected?
What is a reasonable consequence of this behavior?
a. The teacher gives you extra credit
b. The other students are annoyed and they don’t want to hang out with you
c. Some of the students ask you to join their project group
d. The principal compliments your behavior
unexpected
b. The other students are annoyed and they don’t want to hang out with you
True or False: Johnathan telling his mother that he called and made a dentist appointment even though he didn't (because he didn't want to) is an example of social faking
False, this is an example of lying.
A lie is self-serving while a social fake is used to preserve the feelings of others
What is one red flag that someone may have bad intentions?
- they are tirelessly needy
- silver tongue (they twist their words)
- one track mind
- you have a bad feeling
- irregular eye contact/body language
You are talking with a friend about what each of you did over the Thanksgiving break. He tells you that for Thanksgiving break he went home to California and was a groomsman in his brother's wedding.
How could you continue this conversation using the Add-A-Thought technique?
The add-a-thought technique could address any of the italicized words
For Thanksgiving break, he went home to California and was a groomsman in his brother's wedding.
Why is it important to consider the size of the problem?
It is unexpected to have a large reaction to a small problem.
When reacting to problems, people expect the size of your reaction to generally match the size of the problem, REGARDLESS of how the problem makes you feel.
The way you respond can cause others to have negative, neutral or positive thoughts about you
We need to weigh the severity of a problem so we can respond to that problem appropriately
Why is it important to behave in an expected way? (or why shouldn't we behave in an unexpected way?)
Behave as expected way -> people have neutral/positive thoughts about me -> people treat me well -> I enjoy myself and benefit from the interaction
Behave in an unexpected way -> people have negative or weird thoughts about me -> people treat me poorly -> I have a negative experience
What is the difference between social faking and using your social filter?
Both challenge you to monitor your thoughts and make a choice about what to say out loud.
Using a filter is deciding which thoughts you should NOT say out loud.
Social faking is saying or doing something that may not reflect your actual thoughts to avoid hurting someone’s feelings
Once you have decided not to say a thought out loud, you may decide to social fake. But you don’t have to.
For example, you don’t need to use social faking to stop yourself from telling an off-topic story in class.
Jack and Taylor are playing catch ion their street. Taylor overthrows the football and goes into someone's open bedroom window. Taylor decides to climb through the window to retrieve the ball.
What level is this behavior on the behavior scale?
What is a more reasonable response?
5: illegal (breaking and entering)
Knocking on the front door and explain the situation and asking if you would be able to retrieve the ball