True or False
Kids cause their parents divorce.
False: Kids are not responsible for adult problems or decisions.
What can kids do when triggered or experiencing an intense emotion?
Talk to an adult, try taking deep breaths, use a mindfulness grounding skill (count all the colors you see), use a body based coping skills (tense and release muscles).
Define Avoidance
Keeping away from, changing the subject, and refusing to engage. This is something many kids do when asked to talk or think about their trauma.
A physically safe environment makes a healthy home. What are some examples.
• Not having food sitting out and rotting.
• Pest free.
• Chemicals and other hazardous materials safely stored.
• Working fire and carbon dioxide detectors.
• Firearms locked away.
What is Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?
A type of therapy to help kids who have been through traumatic and stressful life experiences. TF-CBT helps kids learn about trauma and stress, their own emotions and experiences, build coping skills, and create a narrative to integrate stressful expenses into their life story so they can feel better and thrive.
To work through trauma that is impacting your life.
It is best for kids and parents when parents stay together, no matter the circumstances.
False: It is completely understandable for kids to wish their parents could have stayed together and that everyone could have been happy. Sometimes, though, it is better for kids and parents when parents separate.
Sam is excited for his dad to pick him up after spending the last week at his mom’s. Sam also feels guilty for being excited. Sam usually feels an internal tug of war. Often, when he is excited about seeing his dad, voices a desire to spend time with him, or talks about something fun they did together, Sam's mom gets upset. She will get sulky, tell Sam this means he loves his dad more, and sometimes will give Sam the silent treatment. Sam tries to reassure his mom and tries not to talk too much about his dad in front of his mom. Do you think it is Sam's job to take care of his mom emotionally and keep her from being upset?
Sam is not responsible for his mom's feelings.
It is okay for his mom to have feelings, but adults need to find healthy ways to express them.
Why do kids use avoidance?
•There were times in the past when avoidance helped them.
• It is uncomfortable and scary thinking and talking about times they experienced trauma.
•They believe talking and thinking about trauma will make it worse.
•They worry talking about what happened might cause people to think badly about someone they love or get someone they love in trouble.
An emotionally safe environment makes a healthy home. What are some examples.
• Kids know they can feel and express any emotion to adults without fear of being teased, dismissed, called names, put down, or ignored.
• Adults do not excessively yell at kids, each other, or animals. They do not cuss or swear at or threaten each other.
• Adults have healthy ways of showing and coping with their emotions. Kids know they are not responsible for adult's emotions.
A double (or triple) dip feeling.
Experiencing more than one feeling at the same time. Often these are two feelings that might seem like they do not go together.
It is not good for a kid to hear one of their parents say lots of bad things about their other parent.
True: While one parent may respectfully explain why they do things differently in their home or their reasoning for making a different choice than the other parent, it is not a kid's job to provide emotional support or feel like they have to take sides.
For most of her life, Raven lived with her Granny. She loved lots of things about living with her Granny, they use to go to church together, watch KPop Demon Hunters, and sing in the car. Raven's Granny was drinking more alcohol then was safe and people were worried about Raven. Now she is living with her uncle while her Granny is getting help. She doesn't want to talk to her therapist about some of the bad choices her Granny made. Why might she be avoiding this?
It makes her uncomfortable to think about the bad times.
She doesn't want her Granny to get in trouble.
Raven loves her Granny and doesn't want the therapist to see her Granny as a bad person.
She thinks if she ignores the problems, it will go away.
Raven was so use to her Granny's decisions and drinking that it does not seem like a problem to her.
How might long term avoidance show up in our lives?
• Symptoms maintain and worsen, as avoidance reinforces the belief that feelings and memories are dangerous.
• Physical health problems.
• Emotional numbing that can keep us from recognizing true danger.
• Ongoing hyperviolence that can keep us from trying and learning new things and developing and nurturing important relationships.
Self-esteem issues.
Distinctions between kid roles and adult roles makes a healthy home. What are some similarities and differences between kid and adult roles?
• Kids and adults contribute to the house by doing tasks such as cleaning, cooking, and being a family team. These jobs and tasks may look different from culture to culture.
• Adults are responsible for paying bills, making sure kids get enough food, sleep and have clean clothes, helping kids get to school, and taking them to see a doctor when needed. In a healthy home, adults also help kids learn to cope with their feelings, while they as adults have their own healthy ways of dealing with their emotions.
Greif
A normal way to react to loss. The loss can be a person, animal or other thing that is important to us.
It is possible for kids to love and like things about somebody who is important to them while also acknowledging that person makes decisions that do not always keep that kid safe, physically or emotionally.
True. Both things can be true at the same time.
Maya's dad often encourages her to do things Maya finds dangerous and scary, like jumping off from high ledges, leaning out the car window while her dad is driving fast, and rough housing with their snarly dog. Maya will usually do what his dad says and will sometimes even smile and laugh, even though she is scared and wants to stop. Which of the 4 trauma responses is this?
Fawn. Maya is going along with her dad to please him and prevent further harm.
Why is talking about trauma, stress and anxiety helpful for kids?
While it can feel uncomfortable, talking about these things in a safe space actually takes away power from the trauma and gives it back to kids.
A bodily safe space makes a healthy home. What are some examples.
• Kids do not experiences being hit, kicked, slapped or have harm done to their bodies by someone in the home.
• Kids do not witness other people in the home being hit, kicked, slapped or have harm done to their bodies.
• Kids body privacy is respected, and they are never touch or forced to touch someone sexual or watch other people do sexual things.
• Adults do not show or graphicly describe violent or scary things to kids. This includes movies, shows and video games.
Hypervigilance
Ongoing alertness to threats in the environment. Nervousness, jumpiness, physical exhaustion.
When we are upset it is easy for our upstairs brain (logical part of the brain) to communicate with our downstairs brain (emotional part of the brain).
False. We get stuck in our downstairs brain when we are upset. To access the staircase, we need to use a coping skill to calm down.
Why might an adult do something that is not healthy for a kid?
• They do not know any better or how to do things differently.
• No one taught them how to do what is best for kids/ as a kid they did not have people do what was best for them.
• They have a hard time keeping their kid's development and perspective in mind.
• They are unwell, and this impacts their decisions.
• They use substances, and this impacts their decisions.
How might engaging in trauma therapy empower kids?
Talking about what has happened reduces the distress and difficult feelings that come up when kids are remembering or being reminded of tough experiences. By talking about and confronting reminders, kids can put the experiences in perspective and decrease the long-term suffering, social isolation and anxiety that comes from avoidance.
Consistency, limits and routines make a healthy home. What are some examples.
Clear rules and limits help kids know what to expect so they are not taken by surprise.
While it might seem annoying to kids, they actually thrive when they live in homes with predictable limits and routines. For kids to grow and develop physically and emotionally they need enough sleep, balanced nutrition, time outside/ moving their bodies and off screens, and support with schoolwork. In a healthy home, adults make sure this happens.
Fight, flight, freeze and fawn.
The survival mode our brain goes into when we are faced with danger. Kids who have experience trauma go into survival mode more often than kids who have not.