Shame! Shame!
Shame says, “I am bad,” while guilt says this.
What is “I did something bad”?
Anger can be a signal that this has been crossed.
What is a boundary?
Taking slow breaths helps calm this system in the body.
What is the (sympathetic) nervous system?
A raised voice can be a warning sign that anger is doing this.
What is escalating?
Someone in recovery may become angry when reminded of past mistakes because it brings up this painful feeling.
What is shame?
People may react with anger when they feel ashamed because anger helps them avoid feeling this.
What is exposed, embarrassed, or vulnerable?
A healthy boundary tells others what you need, what you will accept, and this.
What you will not accept?
Counting backward, naming objects in the room, or noticing your feet on the ground are examples of this.
What is grounding?
Pacing, interrupting, and clenched fists may be signs that someone needs this.
What is a pause, break, or grounding skill?
Being criticized, corrected, or called out can trigger anger because it may feel like this.
What is being judged, attacked, or embarrassed?
In recovery, shame can become dangerous when it leads to isolation, hopelessness, or this.
What is relapse?
Boundaries are not about controlling others; they are about controlling this.
What is your own response, behavior, or choices?
Saying, “I need a minute before I answer” is a coping skill that protects this. (Recovery is not an option)
What is self-control or safety?
Feeling hot, shaky, or restless can be a sign your body is entering this mode.
What is fight-or-flight?
This type of trigger happens when someone feels their personal limits are being crossed.
What is a boundary violation?
When someone feels embarrassed in front of others, they may react with anger to protect this.
What is their pride, ego, or self-image?
When someone mistakes a boundary for rejection, a helpful response is to explain that boundaries are meant to protect this.
What is the relationship, respect, or recovery?
Saying “I feel hurt and need space” instead of yelling is an example of this type of communication.
What is assertive communication?
Thoughts like “They always disrespect me” or “Nobody cares” may increase anger because they are examples of this.
What are negative thinking patterns or cognitive distortions?
Being compared to someone else can trigger anger because it can make a person feel this.
What is inferior, judged, or not good enough?
A healthier response to shame is accountability combined with this.
What is self-compassion?
When someone does not express boundaries early, anger may build into this.
What is resentment?
Writing down what you are angry about and what you are really feeling can help build this skill.
What is emotional awareness?
The earlier someone notices anger rising, the easier it is to stay in this part of the brain.
What is the thinking brain, rational brain, or prefrontal cortex?
This can happen when anger is not really about the current situation but about past pain being activated.
What is being triggered by unresolved trauma or past experiences?