Control vs. No Control
Can you control how you respond when someone makes you angry?
Yes. We cannot always control what other people say or do, but we can choose how we react and respond to their behavior.
True or false: Letting go of anger means pretending that nothing bad ever happened.
False. Letting go doesn't mean forgetting what happened or pretending it was okay; it means choosing not to let past experiences and anger continue controlling your life.
Is asking someone for help a sign of weakness or courage?
Courage. Recognizing when we need help and being willing to ask for support takes strength, honesty, and vulnerability.
What is the DBT skill that involves fully acknowledging reality, even when it's painful or difficult?
Radical acceptance.
Someone cuts in front of you in line and starts arguing when you say something. What is one thing you can do to avoid making the situation worse?
Walk away, stay calm, or avoid escalating the argument.
In DBT, what are the three states of mind?
Emotional Mind, Reasonable Mind, and Wise Mind.
You cannot control whether someone chooses to forgive you for past mistakes. However, what can you do to demonstrate that you're genuinely working to change?
Take responsibility, be honest, follow through on commitments, and consistently demonstrate healthier behavior.
What is one emotion that people sometimes hold onto for a long time after a difficult experience?
Anger, resentment, guilt, shame, depression, etc.
Why might someone in recovery need courage to admit that they need to make changes in their friendships or relationships?
They may fear loneliness, rejection, disappointing others, or losing people they care about, even when those relationships are unhealthy.
True or false: Accepting a situation means you have to stop trying to make things better.
False. You can accept your current circumstances while still taking action to improve them.
Your family doesn't trust you yet, even though you've been working hard on your recovery. What can you control in this situation?
Your actions, honesty, consistency, and continued commitment to recovery.
Someone is making you extremely angry. You know that confronting them immediately might make things worse, but ignoring your feelings completely doesn't seem right either. Which state of mind would help you balance these two things?
Wise Mind.
Someone is being rude and disrespectful toward you. What is one thing you can control?
Your reaction, behavior, or decision to establish boundaries.
Why might holding onto resentment toward someone make your own recovery more difficult?
It can increase stress, anger, and emotional distress.
You are offered drugs or alcohol by someone you used to use with. What would be one courageous decision you could make?
Say no, leave the situation, establish boundaries, or choose recovery.
You made a mistake during your recovery. Why is accepting that it happened more helpful than pretending it didn't?
It allows you to learn from it, take responsibility, and decide what to do differently.
You're having a really bad day and suddenly experience a strong craving. What are three things you could do instead of using?
Distract yourself, use a coping skill, go for a walk, attend a meeting, talk to someone, or practice grounding.
What is the main difference between making a decision from Emotional Mind versus making a decision from Wise Mind?
Emotional Mind is primarily driven by feelings and immediate emotional reactions, while Wise Mind considers both emotions and facts to make a more balanced decision.
You have a job interview tomorrow, but you're worried you won't get hired. What part of this situation can you control?
Preparing, showing up, and doing your best.
You keep blaming yourself for things you did while you were actively using. Why is it important to learn from those experiences without allowing guilt and shame to control your future?
Because constantly dwelling on the past can prevent personal growth, damage self-esteem, and make it harder to focus on positive changes in the present.
Why can admitting that you have a problem with substance use be difficult?
Fear of judgment, shame, denial, vulnerability, or fear of change.
What is the difference between accepting a situation and giving up on changing it?
Acceptance acknowledges what is happening; giving up means abandoning efforts to improve it.
You're having a difficult week in recovery. Nothing seems to be going right, and you start thinking that maybe life was easier when you were using. How could you recognize and challenge this way of thinking before it leads to a poor decision?
Recognize that you're romanticizing substance use, remember the negative consequences of using, identify what's contributing to your stress, and use healthy coping strategies.
What does it mean to make a decision from Wise Mind?
Balancing emotions and logic to make a thoughtful decision.
Why can spending too much time worrying about things outside our control make recovery more difficult?
It creates unnecessary stress, frustration, and anxiety, and can distract us from the things we can actually change.
You keep replaying an argument in your head, even though it happened several days ago. What are two things you could do to help yourself let it go?
Grounding, redirecting attention, journaling, accepting what happened, practicing mindfulness, etc.
You know that reconnecting with an old friend could put your recovery at risk, but you're afraid they'll be upset if you distance yourself. What could courage look like in this situation?
Prioritizing recovery, setting boundaries, and accepting that someone might not agree with your decision.
You cannot change the mistakes you made during active addiction, but you can change how you move forward. How could accepting your past help you build a healthier future?
It can reduce shame, help you learn from past experiences, and allow you to focus on present choices.
You feel like your life should be further along by now. You're frustrated that things aren't happening as quickly as you hoped. How could you practice acceptance, courage, and patience in this situation?
Accept where you are, recognize your progress, continue taking healthy steps, and avoid comparing your recovery to someone else's.
You're extremely angry with someone and want to send them a hurtful text. Your emotions say to send it, but logically you know it could make things worse. What might Wise Mind suggest?
Pause, regulate your emotions, consider the consequences, and decide how to respond once you're calmer.