Level 1
“This foundational validation level involves simply staying attentive and engaged, even without speaking.”
Being fully Present; actively listening
“This level mirrors the person’s words back to them, similar to reflective listening.”
What is Accurate Reflection?”
"What I think I hear you saying is..."
“This level involves identifying emotions or thoughts the person hasn’t explicitly stated.”
“What is Level 3: Stating the Unspoken?”
“This level connects a person’s reaction to their history, explaining why their response makes sense.”
What is Level 4: Validating Based on Past Learning?”
Mild Salsa
Wear an outfit you know your partner thinks looks good on you.
A therapist nodding and maintaining eye contact is an example of this validation level.”
“What is basic presence?”
Or Level 1: Being fully present
“‘So you’re feeling overwhelmed because the deadline moved up’ demonstrates this communication skill.”
“What is reflective listening?”
Naming a client’s frustration even when they haven’t said the word is an example of this.”
“What is Level 3: Express the unspoken words or emotions?”
“This level explains how the current situation logically leads to the person’s feelings.”
What is Level 5: Present-Circumstance Validation?”
Mild Salsa
Find a time to put your arms around your partner and tell him or her how sexually irresistible (handsome, beautiful) he or she is to you right now.
“‘Given your past experiences with criticism, it makes sense this feedback feels threatening’ reflects this style.”
What is historical-context validation?”
Medium Salsa
While your partner gets ready for bed, quickly undress, slide into bed and surprise them with your naked body.
“Recognizing that anyone would feel stressed during a major life transition is an example of this.”
“What is situational validation?”
Medium Salsa
Take a warm bath or shower together. Wash each other's bodies.
At home, put on your favorite music and dance naked with or for your partner.