Boundary Basics
You don't have to worry about boundaries unless someone is really bugging you. True or False
FALSE. In order to maintain healthy boundaries it's important to know yourself and how you want others to relate to you.
Boundaries that have to do with your body and personal space are called:
Physical Boundaries
You don't like how someone chews their food.
No. Sometimes we find things that others do annoying or unpleasant but they are not boundary violations.
You are on a first date and the person touches you constantly and pressures you to kiss them. You just met and you feel uncomfortable with this.
Suggestions:
"I would like to slow things down."
"We just met and I am feeling uncomfortable with being touched like this on a first date."
Good friends don't need to have boundaries with each other. True or False
FALSE.
Friends respect each other's boundaries and do not take advantage of each other to get their needs met.
This type of boundary is about making sure you are deciding how your time is spent and with whom
Time Boundaries
Your friend calls and begins ranting about a fight they had with their significant other. When you tell them you can't talk right now they say "Yeah, but this is really important!" and keep talking.
YES. This person is not respecting your Time Boundaries or your Emotional Boundaries.
Your coworker sees you in the hallway and starts loudly telling you about their personal health issues.
suggestions:
"I'm not comfortable discussing this in the workplace." "This really isn't the time or place."
If you make your boundaries clear up front, people will know how you want to be treated.
True or False.
TRUE.
This type of boundary has to do with belongings, money, and STUFF
Material Boundaries
You invited a friend to dinner. While eating they answer their phone and talk to another friend for at least ten minutes. Is this a boundary violation?
YES. This person is using your time and space to interact with a friend who is not present.
You go out to dinner with a friend and they tell you that you should pay since you make more money than they do.
Suggestions:
"I am not comfortable with that." or "If you felt this way you should have brought it up before we got here."
Once you tell someone what your boundaries are they will always respect it. TRUE or FALSE.
Sometimes people will remember, but some won't. This is why it's important to be able to speak up and let someone know if they are not respecting your boundaries.
Boundaries that have to do with feelings and energy are called
Emotional Boundaries
A coworker frequently takes gum and other items from your desk without asking.
YES. This is a violation of your Material Boundaries.
You borrow someone's car and accidentally scratch it.
Suggestions:
"I am very sorry. Please let me know what I can do to make this right."
If someone violates my boundaries, it's probably my fault. True or False
FALSE. If someone is being inappropriate or abusive to you it is NOT your fault. We are responsible for setting and maintaining boundaries, but it is never our fault if someone is disrespectful or abusive.
This type of boundary is about respecting what you or others think or believe
Intellectual Boundaries
Your sister borrows your favorite sweater without asking.
Yes. Material Boundary violation.
Your friend asks you to help with a task. Three hours later and they keep finding more things for you to "help" with.
Suggestions:
"I agreed to help with ______. I hope that was helpful but now I need to leave."
"I don't mind helping you, but this is too much."