Family
“why just be an ally when you can be an Allen”
Barbie
“I was so nervous that the company Nike was going to fail”
Air
“Hooked on a feeling and that feeling is emotional damage”
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3
“can’t wait for Fentanyl Moose”
Cocaine Bear
“With Christ all things are possible”
Fast X
“God forbid the twink Mary Poppins gives us a cinematic experience about diabetes”
Wonka
“Spoiler: apparently the H in Jesus H. Christ stands for hippie”
Jesus Revolution
“Glad George Lopez is back in the superhero genre after his acclaimed performance in Sharkboy and Lavagirl”
Blue Beetle
“You’re probably wondering how I got into this situation… *record scratch* it all started five nights ago…”
Five Nights at Freddy’s
“So no Baby Shark needle drop?”
The Meg 2
“Illuminations best movie and it still sucks”
The Super Mario Bros. Movie
“The Shining if it was a heartwarming comedy”
The Holdovers
“More and more every day I start to empathize with Martin Scorsese”
The Marvels
“Homophobic Ron Weasley”
Knock at the Cabin
“If villain bad why sexy”
The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes
“We waited a hundred years for this?
Wish
“Sadly not as good as Rodrick Rules”
Oppenheimer
“My holes can take me anywhere”
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse
“I am now anti-public domain”
Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey
“Look I came to watch hot people f*** and fight and I got what I wanted”
“Watching this when you’re single is worse than being waterboarded”
Elemental
“At the climax, I could feel Martin Scorsese s*** his pants and whisper, in awe, “Cinema…”
Godzilla Minus One
“This was green screened in Photo Booth”
Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania
“Riverdale if it was actually good”
Thanksgiving
“ayo linguini from ratatouille new backstory just dropped !!”
No Hard Feelings