WHAT IS SOCIAL HEALTH
THE SMILE EXPERIMENT
Statements vs Questions
CONNECTION BEFORE CONCERN
THE AND
100
Our Social Health Class teaches the tools to __________, __________, and ___________ relationships.
What is Our Social Health Class teaches the tools to _BUILD_, _MAINTAIN_, and _IMPROVE_ relationships.
100
True or False...
Your joke will land easier when you smile?
True
100
Give an example of a "shaming question".
Answers will vary.
"What did I just tell you?"
"How many times do I have to tell you?"
"When are you ever going to get this?"
100
When would you use the Social Health tool CONNECTION BEFORE CONCERN?
As a lead into the conversation anytime you have to say something that could cause offense, lead to an argument, or to open a conversation about your concern for them.
100
What word are you replacing with "AND"?
"But"
200
What is Mr. Kozlowski's definition of a relationship?
The way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected.
200
What law were researchers studying when they discovered The Smile Experiment?
What is the THE LAW OF ATTRACTION.
200
Why do questions make us defensive?
Because we have a very shaming culture and throughout our lives questions have been used to shame us into doing what the user wants quickly.
Questions question our intelligence, trust, work ethic, etc...
They can also be place holders that don't generate a real and trusting conversation.
200
Scenario!!! :)
Your sister promised you 8 years ago that she would make sure you were present when her boyfriend proposed. This meant so much to you that you pinned her boyfriend down and made him promise you could be there as well. The day came, he proposed and were not asked to be there. You were very hurt and it is affecting how you feel about your relationship with you sister. You need to talk to your sister and let her know how that made you feel, so you stop holding a grudge.
Use Connection Before Concern to address this with your sister.
4 Keys to Connection Before Concern
1. Before you tell them your concern, let them know how much their friendship means to you.
2. Own your part in what you tell them.
“I know I got that assignment in late, I’m really sorry. That’s on me”
“I know this your relationship with them means a lot to you. I get that”
3. Explain to them how it made you feel (“I statement”)…”I felt ________, when you did ________
It make me feel like I don’t matter much to you anymore when we don’t talk or hang out OR you ask if I can hang out because he can’t.
4. Remember that they may not know that they have hurt you. Attacking them will make them defensive.
200
Name two things that using "but" does.
1. It diffuses or lessens compliments.
2. It allows you to make excuses for yourself.
300
Spiderman Scene OR Friends Scene?
Which Social Health Tool could Peter or Rachel use in this scenario?
Statements vs Questions.
Double or nothing bonus...
Tell us a smooth, non-creepy, and sincere way Peter or Rachel could ask out the people they are crushing on?
300
What are the 2 keys to successfully use The Smile Experiment?
1. Use a sincere and genuine smile
2. Focus on making the other person feel comfortable. *Hint...Statements are super helpful here. :)
300
Give an example of a "shaming statement".
"Oh, you are alive!"
"I guess even though I work hard to pay for everything you have, you're not even going to say thank you!"
300
Scenario!!! :)
You texted your friend and asked her/him to hang out and they told you they couldn't. Then you saw a post of them hanging out with other friends that same.
How can you your use Connection Before Concern to address this will your friend, so you don't carry around a bitterness toward them?
1. Before you tell them your concern, let them know how much their friendship means to you.
2. Own your part in what you tell them.
“I know I got that assignment in late, I’m really sorry. That’s on me”
“I know this your relationship with them means a lot to you. I get that”
3. Explain to them how it made you feel (“I statement”)…”I felt ________, when you did ________
It make me feel like I don’t matter much to you anymore when we don’t talk or hang out OR you ask if I can hang out because he can’t.
4. Remember that they may not know that they have hurt you. Attacking them will make them defensive.
300
Someone is looking very nice today. That same person has spaghetti sauce on their face. Tell them about the spaghetti sauce in a non-embarrassing or shaming way using "The AND".
You are looking really nice today AND I want to let you know that you have a little spaghetti sauce on your face because I've got your back AND I hate it when I walk around all day and nobody tells me when I have something out of place AND I hope you would do the same for me.
400
Identify at least 2 statements MJ uses to break the awkward between she and Peter.
"Well I um...brought that in case you needed some help". (Humor)
"Anyway uh, there was this sweaty guy in the tower. I think he like works for you or something." (Help them understand what your thinking or get on their level)
400
Name 3 benefits of The Smile Experiment
1. Once you find that smile and use it. It will cause other people to feel pleasantly surprised, curious about you, more comfortable around you, and they typically smile back.
2. Once they smile back you feel you are accepted, and you have more confidence that the person you smiled at will be cool with you and a potential friend.
3. More friends, acquaintances, the benefit of the doubt, and even free stuff.
400
SCENARIO!!! :)
Give an example of a statement you could use to start a conversation with someone you don't know or barely know while your parents talk to each other in the grocery store.
Responses will vary.
Hints: Begin with a statement. Compliment them for something they are wearing or that you have seen them do and then follow up with a question about where they got it or how they learned it.
Address the awkward.
400
Scenario!!!
This is the second time you have turned in a late assignment and Mrs. Davis just caught you nodding off in her class last week, but you have a big game Thursday and your coach has told you that he is going to give you a chance in the starting line up. You really need Mrs. Davis to grade your assignment, so you can start and prove to your coach that you are the right choice for that position.
How can you use connection before concern to ask Mrs. Davis to correct your assignment?
Answers will vary. :)
1. Before you tell them your concern, let them know how much their friendship means to you.
2. Own your part in what you tell them.
“I know I got that assignment in late, I’m really sorry. That’s on me”
“I know this your relationship with them means a lot to you. I get that”
3. Explain to them how it made you feel (“I statement”)…”I felt ________, when you did ________
It make me feel like I don’t matter much to you anymore when we don’t talk or hang out OR you ask if I can hang out because he can’t.
4. Remember that they may not know that they have hurt you. Attacking them will make them defensive.
400
Scenario!!! :)
Your friend is feeling really stressed out and anxious about their math test tomorrow. They are saying they are going to fail and when that happens they will have a B and then the next time they have a test, and on and on and on. Their mind is getting the better of them and it hurts you to see them so sad and worried.
Use The AND to support them in this situation.
Man, it hurts my heart seeing you this sad and worried. (Statement) AND this is what I know about you. Know matter what you give everything your all AND that is what you are going to do this time too. You are going to go home and study and when the time comes you are going to do your very best AND no matter what happens I'm still going to love you AND you are going to figure out what you need to do to get better because that is who you are AND that is what you do.
500
What tactic is King Triton using to get through to Ariel that we know causes defensiveness and hurts relationships?
Act out a way King Triton can have this conversation using statements vs questions and connection before concern.
Answers will vary.
Must have a connecting statement and all 4 connection before concern keys.
1. Before you tell them your concern, let them know how much their friendship means to you.
2. Own your part in what you tell them.
“I know I got that assignment in late, I’m really sorry. That’s on me”
“I know this your relationship with them means a lot to you. I get that”
3. Explain to them how it made you feel (“I statement”)…”I felt ________, when you did ________
It make me feel like I don’t matter much to you anymore when we don’t talk or hang out OR you ask if I can hang out because he can’t.
4. Remember that they may not know that they have hurt you. Attacking them will make them defensive.
500
Identify 3 instances Neil Caffery uses The Smile Experiment in this clip.
1. Offers a confident and genuine smile.
2. Starts with a statement, "You've been here before".
3. Follows the statement with 2 genuine questions to get to know him.
4. Relates to him, "People judge. I wish it weren't so, but people judge."
5. Tells him why people drive that car and then offers him a smile and a handshake and introduces himself.
6. Statement..."Taking the Gallardo out" with a smile.
7. Smiles a laughs with the buyer. "Have a seat. Can I get you an espresso?"
500
Why do statements make people less defensive and help to open up better conversation?
Because throughout our lives statements have generally been used to carry positive messages such as, "You're amazing!", "Brilliant!", "Great job!".
Statements can extend praise, instill pride, create curiosity, and give the receiver space to choose to open up or not.
500
What are the 4 Keys to Connection Before Concern?
1. Before you tell them your concern, let them know how much their friendship means to you.
2. Own your part in what you tell them.
“I know I got that assignment in late, I’m really sorry. That’s on me”
“I know this your relationship with them means a lot to you. I get that”
3. Explain to them how it made you feel (“I statement”)…”I felt ________, when you did ________
It make me feel like I don’t matter much to you anymore when we don’t talk or hang out OR you ask if I can hang out because he can’t.
4. Remember that they may not know that they have hurt you. Attacking them will make them defensive.
500
How can George McFly or Mary McFly use "The And" in this scene?
"What if she said no? I don't know if I could take that kind of rejection AND I really like her AND I am a way better guy than Biff AND I would treat her with way more respect than that!