Manipulation
What is manipulation?
Manipulation is a form of emotional abuse that aims to exploit, control, or otherwise influence others to one’s advantage. Manipulation targets and controls how someone feels, thinks, and behaves in order for the manipulator to get what they want.
Denial
Refusal to accept reality.
Name the three main types of communication.
Passive, aggressive, assertive.
What are coping skills?
Things you can do to help remain focused, manage uncomfortable emotions, deal with difficult situations/feelings.
What are three ways a victim of domestic violence might be impacted?
Trauma symptoms, distrust, fear, avoidance, substance abuse issues, self-harm/suicidal ideations...
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is all about making you question yourself, including your memory, your trust in yourself, your sanity, what you’re feeling, and even your own identity. This often shows up as the abuser calling you “crazy” or manipulating situations to instill doubt in yourself. A manipulator does this so you eventually automatically trust and do what they say without question, giving them ultimate control.2
Displacement
Directing feelings at someone or something other than the source of those feelings.
What is stonewalling?
Sometimes, the easiest way to respond to an argument is to retreat into your shell and refuse to speak. This is called stonewalling. You might feel better temporarily, but the original issue will remain unresolved and your partner will feel more upset. If you absolutely cannot go on, tell your partner you need to take a time-out. Agree to resume the discussion later.
What is self-care?
Things you can do to relieve tension, promote relaxation, and take a break from the day-to-day.
What are 3 healthy ways to set a boundary?
Plan ahead, compromise, use respectful and clear language, make good eye contact, use confident body language, etc.
Projection
Projection is a psychological defense mechanism where a person puts their own feelings, characteristics, or desires onto another person.4 This could look like the manipulator saying, “You’re so controlling” after the victim presents alternative activities or advocates to do something for themselves. The manipulator takes what they feel and want and projects it onto the other person to avoid how that makes them feel or look.
Regression
Acting as if one was back in an earlier less troublesome time in their life.
What is a compromise?
Coming to an agreement where both parties are happy with the outcome, meet in the middle.
Name 3 ways to self-care
Go for a walk, take a bath/shower, go to the gym, watch a movie, listen to music, etc.
What is accountability?
Accountability refers to a situation in which someone is responsible for things that happen and can give a satisfactory reason for them.
Generalizations
Generalizations are when the traits of one person are applied to an entire group of people in the same demographic. An example that a manipulative person might use could be, “All women are more focused on themselves than on their partners.” This encourages the victim to act or present themselves in a way that the manipulator sees as agreeable or easiest to control.
Projection
An attempt to protect one’s feelings or self-esteem by blaming others.
Name 3 tips for healthy communication
Be clear, concise, listen to understand and not respond, remove distractions, etc.
Name 3 different coping skills
Deep or paced breathing, speaking with a loved one/support, mindfulness techniques, etc.
Name 3 boundary violations
Inappropriate touch, standing too close, treating people in ways they don't want to be treated, saying hurtful things, etc.
Being dismissive/diminishing
When their victim makes a valid contribution in group discussions or has a success, a manipulator can react with a dismissing or diminishing comment in order to maintain control. This can look like giving reasons for why the success was not earned, or why their victim’s valid comment is unworthy of others’ attention and consideration.
Sublimation
Transforming unacceptable behaviors into acceptable ones.
Name 3 unhealthy ways to communicate
Shutting down, yelling, name calling, dismissing, minimizing, etc.
Talk about how your self-care and coping skills have changed since being in treatment
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What are the three types of boundaries?
Porous, rigid, healthy