Dad's Celebrity Crushes
This singer WAS number one on Dad's list for the past several years, ever since the "Roar" video came out
Katy Perry
Mom considers this OHS driver's ed teacher to be the most similar in appearance to a garden gnome
Mr. Cronin
Mom and Abby accused this former coach of striking suggestive poses when he would stand along the sideline watching matches
Dale Butler
Mom rented our rooms at a hotel that looked like we were going to get murdered in this Illinois city
Springfield
The number of things Merri is able to do quickly
Zero
Within just the past week, this Transformers actress has moved into the top spot on Dad's celebrity crush list
Megan Fox
Both Abby and Autumn likened this art teacher and volleyball coach to a praying mantis
Mr. Kolkay
This former coach would show up in kneepads for both practices and games, and couldn't stand Autumn
Amanda Allen
Mommy liked this grocery store that we often visited when visiting at ISU
Schnuck's
Abbs cracked her skull slipping on the driveway, then went to work right afterwards at this restaurant
Culver's
Sofia Vergara
This dude, who sounded like Vince Vaughn, was Abby's AP calculus teacher at OHS
Mr. Steffes
Katrina gave Tony this official-sounding job title
Director of Player Development
Mommy likes Rocky Road ice cream, but insists that these puffy ingredients be whole and not in "ribbon" form
Marshmallows
This was the name of the Plainfield bar where we FIRST picked Abby up after she was too inebriated to drive
Uptown
Like most football fans, Dad digs this sideline reporter who is a former Miss Florida winner.
Laura Rutledge
Abby swears that this Thompson art teacher stole her moose statue
Mr. Craig
Completely out of the blue, a random text from Jon to Mom indicated that this coach wanted a number 7 with no lettuce
Coleman
The name shared by Autumn's junior high and the dorm Mommy stayed in at WIU
Thompson
Business Mommy was at when, after saying her name, the clerk said there was someone there who "pretty much goes by that" too
Eich's
Dad digs this actress who played Summer Quinn in the 2017 Baywatch movie
Alexandra Daddario
Abby grabbed seven AP study guides after this OHS teacher suggested she carry just two
Mr. Johnson
This was the name of Ryan Hagan's son who couldn't wait to show me a dead deer one morning
Zach
It was a frigid cold night when Mom's old station wagon got a flat tire at this District 308 school
Traughber
Abby hit some kid with a rock when we volunteered at Saw Wee Kee Park during a Park District event for this holiday
Halloween