Principles of Influence
Talking in terms of THIS makes others feel valued.
What is "other people's interests?"
This kind of behavior can win people to your side and make them feel appreciated.
What is "showing sincere interest in others?"
This famous historical figure's ability to see things from other people's viewpoints helped him win a war.
Who was "Abraham Lincoln?"
The three C's to avoid at all costs because they will create defensiveness and resentment in others.
What are criticizing, condemning, and complaining?
Always do this when someone offers their opinion.
What is "show respect for it?"
The reason little Timmy's family fingerpainted on the kitchen table.
What is to get him to WANT to go to kindergarten?
Three C's that you should not do -- because, according to the author, "any fool can do these, and most fools do."
What is "criticize, condemn, or complain?"
People LOVE to talk about this subject, which can help you connect with themselves.
What is "themselves?"
Something people love to hear. Mention it in conversation and it can help you build a relationship quickly.
What is "their name?"
The opposite of being offensive, this can quickly increase tension and should be avoided when dealing with others.
What is "being defensive?"
Connect with people by showing genuine interest in THIS, which is important to them.
What is their hobbies or passions?
The way the coffee lady showed appreciation for her customers one cold and rainy day.
What is making waffles?
This one action can make people feel valued and appreciated.
What is, "Showing genuine interest in others?" Also acceptable: "Seeing things from the other person's point of view."
The only way to get people to do something.
What is to get them to WANT to do it?
What is talking only about yourself?
A powerful way to destroy criticism aimed toward you.
What is "admitting that you were wrong?" (If you were, of course!)
This simple act of human connection is more powerful than logic or argument when dealing with others.
What is smiling?
This man was scheduled to fight in a duel over criticism that he wrote of someone -- then friends stopped it. He later became President.
Who was Abraham Lincoln?
The opposite of flattery.
What is "sincere appreciation?"
Rather than claiming an idea as your own -- even though it might be -- what could you do to get a group to accept the idea?
What is "let them think they thought of it?"
Doing this -- Taylor Swift does and the coffee/waffle lady did -- will make people feel special.
What is writing thank you notes?
Rather than criticizing General Meade for not going after Lee when he had the chance and ending the civil war early, Lincoln did this.
What is "wrote a letter but didn't send it" or "saw things from Meade's perspective?"
Avoid doing this when dealing with people who disagree with you. It doesn't accomplish anything.
What is arguing?
The reason the letter from the freight guy to Mr. Vermylen (who worked for Bertoli pasta) failed.
What is that it talked only about what the freight company wanted?
A fundamental desire in every person
What is "to feel important?"
What, instead of dictating "the way it will be", you could do as a way to persuade someone to see your point of view.
What is "ask questions?"
According to the author, this is flattery -- which should be avoided.
What is "telling someone what they already think about themselves?"
Instead of criticizing, you should do this to help others improve.
What is "providing encouragement?"
What is criticizing?
The best way to get someone to agree to what you want.
What is "to talk in terms of what THEY want?"