Parents
The email subject line that immediately sends shivers down an administrator's spine.
What is "URGENT: My Child's Grade" (or "Immediate Attention Required")?
The first step IT always tells you to do, even when your computer is clearly on fire.
What is "Did you try turning it off and on again?"
The classic reason given for not having homework completed.
What is...
This essential school supply, often found in abundance at the beginning of the year, mysteriously vanishes by October, requiring a mid-year emergency order.
What are pencils?
A common plea for less effort in writing assignments.
What is, "Do we have to write in complete sentences?"
The polite, yet firm, phrase used to inform a parent that their perfectly reasonable suggestion actually violates three district policies and two state laws.
What is "I understand your concern, however..." (or "We appreciate your input, but...")?
This mysterious error message appears when you're just about to save that important 20-page document.
What is a "Blue Screen of Death" (or "fatal error")? Or "please use your multi-factor authentication for the third time today."
This common ailment magically strikes students only on test days or the morning of a big presentation.
What is a "tummy issues" (or "test-dayitis")?
The annual event where district leaders gather to explain why every department's budget request is both absolutely vital and simultaneously impossible.
What is a budget hearing (or budget update)?
A student's way of asking if this information is truly essential for their grade.
What is "Is this going to be on the test?"
The parent who is an expert in every educational theory, despite having no formal training, and often cites questionable online sources.
What is an armchair expert?
The universal struggle of every school presentation: trying to get the projector or Clear Touch to connect to your laptop without a degree in astrophysics.
What is "projector connectivity issues" (or "HDMI roulette")?
The elaborate story involving a power outage, alien invasion, or rogue squirrel that prevented a student from completing their assignment.
What is a "highly improbable scenario" (or "creative fiction")?
This term refers to the feeling you get when you realize the "one-time" grant funding you secured last year for a fantastic program is now gone, and everyone still expects the program to continue.
What is grant-funding hangover?
A strategically timed request to avoid learning or a genuine biological need.
What is "Can I go to the bathroom?" (Said five minutes after the bell rang, and just as you start explaining a complex topic.)
The art of crafting an email that sounds incredibly helpful and understanding, but subtly deflects responsibility to another department.
What is strategic redirection?
This is the sound of an entire classroom of students collectively groaning when the Wi-Fi suddenly drops during online testing.
What is the "sound of despair" (or "Wi-Fi outage lament")?
When a student says they "forgot" their iPad or laptop somewhere else in school, they usually mean this.
What is "I never brought it to school in the first place"?
The mythical creature responsible for eating all the extra copy paper and toner before anyone can even print the first memo.
What is the Office Supply Gremlin (or a copier ghost)?
A question that often implies they're hoping the answer is "no," despite missing a full day of instruction.
What is "I was absent yesterday, did I miss anything important?"
This is the most challenging question to answer from a parent who believes their child is a misunderstood genius despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.
What is "Why isn't my child in the gifted program?" or "Why doesn't my child have straight A's?"
The digital equivalent of a black hole, where important files and documents mysteriously disappear, never to be seen again.
What is Google Drive?
In student lingo, this is the answer to "what is 80-13?"
What is "SIX SEVEN."
This is the most common phrase heard when discussing a new state initiative that no one has allocated funds for.
What is an unfunded mandate?
The most common answer when a student is called on.
What is "bruh"?