Poorly Explained Board Games
You’re wandering a sugary fever dream where children vanish, rules change without warning, and the villain is literally made of licorice.
Candyland
Atomic Number: 2
Chemical Symbol: He
Most Common Use: Filling balloons and airships due to its low density
Helium
Coolidge, Aniston, Lawrence
Jennifer
S _ _ _ _ _
School
O_ R _ _ _
Summer
School
Of Rock
Champagne & Orange Juice
Mimosa
A capitalism simulator where family bonds are tested over cartoon money and the sudden need to own every property on Earth.
Monopoly
Atomic Number: 8
Chemical Symbol: O
Most Common Use: Essential for respiration and several life support systems.
Oxygen
Swayze, Dempsey, Stewart
Patrick
J _ _ _ _
Judy
G _ _ _ _ _ _
Judge
Judy
Garland
Tequila, Triple Sec, Lime Juice
Margarita
You blindly scream coordinates at your friend until one of you becomes Poseidon and the other becomes emotionally unstable.
Battleship
Atomic Number: 53
Chemical Symbol: I
Most Common Use: Used in antiseptic tinctures and in salt to prevent deficiency.
Iodine
Boyce, Diaz, Moynahan, Crowe
Cameron
R _ _ _ _
One
T _ _ _ H _ _ _
Rogue
One
Tree Hill
White Rum, Sugar, Lime Juice, Soda Water, and Mint.
Mojito
You become an oddly specific FBI profiler asking questions while flipping strangers down like it's speed dating with consequences.
Guess Who?
Atomic Number: 78
Chemical Symbol: Pt
Most Common Use: Used in catalytic converters, jewelry, and medical equipment.
Platinum
Perry, Milian, Ricci, Aguilera
Christina
Top
S _ _ _ _
Muffin
Top
Shelf
Vodka, Cointreau, Cranberry Juice
Cosmopolitan
You take turns stacking vertical checkerboard regret until gravity picks a winner and someone claims it was “strategy.” It wasn’t.
Connect 4
Atomic Number: 80
Chemical Symbol: Hg
Most Common Use: For weather; used in thermometers and barometers.
Mercury
H. Macy, Shatner, Shakespeare
William
B _ _ _ N _ _ T _ _ S _ _ _ _ _ _
Guy
F _ _ _ _
Bill Nye The Science
Guy
Fieri
Whiskey, Sweet Vermouth, Bitters
Manhattan