Asking Permission & Accepting No
What is a common mistake people make when asking for permission?
Asking at a bad time
being vague
acting entitled
asking the wrong person
Sympathy or Empathy?
"I understand why you're upset, and I'm sorry you're going through this"
Empathy!
A friend comes at you sideways over leaving them on read all weekend. They can't believe you ignored them all break when they could see that you read their text messages. How would you respond?
Steps
1 Listen to the person who is angry
2 Try to understand what the angry person is saying and feeling
3 Decide if you can say or do something to deal with the situation
4 If you can, deal with the other person's anger
Name one body cue that can tell you you are getting angry.
Examples: heart pounding, jaw clenching, sweating, feeling hot
Give an example of how to ask permission to leave the classroom
Steps
1 Decide what you need permission for
2 Identify who you need to ask
3 Determine how to ask (verbally, in writing, etc.)
4 Choose the right time and place
5 Make your request clearly and respectfully
What are TWO things you may notice about someone who is upset?
Teary eyes
slumped posture
crossed arms
clenched jaw
fidgeting
hitting/kicking things
Loud voice
Name two things you should avoid doing when an angry person is talking to you.
interrupting
matching their anger
crossing your arms
sighing heavily
A teacher called on you in class to answer a question, you confidently gave an answer that was incorrect. Everyone laughs. You feel your face get hot, and you start sweating. What do you think you're feeling?
Angry, embarrassed, ashamed
Steps:
1 Decide what you need permission for
2 Identify who you need to ask
3 Determine how to ask (verbally, in writing, etc.)
4 Choose the right time and place
5 Make your request clearly and respectfully
When you are listening to someone, what are two things you should NOT do?
Interrupt
Script your response while they are talking
Pacing/Fidgety/Restless
Eye Rolling/Heavy Sighing
Dismiss/Minimize their feelings
Provide one calm, yet confident phrase you could use if someone is yelling at you unfairly, or accusing you of something you didn't do?
Example: “I hear you — I want to understand what happened.”
Or: “I understand you're upset, but I'm not okay with yelling.”
List three short self-control strategies you can use if you feel yourself about to lose it in class.
Deep breaths
count to ten
walk away/ask for a break
tense-and-release muscle relaxation
use calming self-talk
If someone responds "not right now", what is one respectful follow-up question you can ask?
When would be a better time?
What would need to change for this to happen?
Come up with a short empathetic statement you could say to a friend who failed a test
Example: “That really stinks — I'm sorry you had to go through that. Do you want to talk about it?”
You realize you made a mistake that caused someone else to be given extra work. Now they're upset with you. What should you do?
Steps
1 Listen to the person who is angry
2 Try to understand what the angry person is saying and feeling
3 Decide if you can say or do something to deal with the situation
4 If you can, deal with the other person's anger
Explain, in two sentences, why naming the specific feeling (e.g., "embarrassed" vs. "angry") matters before you respond.
Because naming the feeling helps you choose the correct response: embarrassment might call for stepping away or de-escalation, while anger might call for assertive problem-solving. Naming prevents reacting based on a wrong assumption.
What should you do after receiving a firm "no" if you WANT to maintain the relationship
Listen to reasons
control immediate reaction
acknowledge the decision
ask for clarification if appropriate
consider alternatives and move forward respectfully
You see a classmate crying who you don't know well. How would you respond?
Steps
Step 1: Watch the other person
Step 2: Listen to what the other person is saying
Step 3: Figure out what the person might be feeling
Step 4: Think about ways to show you understand what they are feeling
Step 5: Decide the best way, and do it
A coworker is yelling at you in front of your co-workers and won't calm down. What should you do?
Steps:
1 Listen to the person who is angry
2 Try to understand what the angry person is saying and feeling
3 Decide if you can say or do something to deal with the situation
4 If you can, deal with the other person's anger
You get harsh criticism from your parents in front of your siblings about bad grades and bad behavior at school. How do you respond?
1 Tune into warning signs
2 Figure out what triggered you
3 Think about your options
4 Choose the best option & do it