Actors
An incredibly sweaty cop spends his entire Christmas Eve crawling through filthy, metallic air vents just to stop a bunch of posh European terrorists from stealing bonds.
Bruce Willis
She became famous for archery in a dystopian reality show, survived a mutant apocalypse as a shapeshifter, and once tripped over her own dress at the Oscars.
Jennifer Lawrence
This chaotic Dutch guy had a massive argument with his roommate, sliced off a chunk of his own head, and thought it would be a great gift to hand over to a local maid.
Vincent Van Gogh
This music legend popularized the "moonwalk," wore a single sparkly glove, and sang a hit song about a very high-energy group of "Underground Goodies."
Michael Jackson
A chaotic fish-princess trades her actual biological voice to a purple sea-witch just so she can crawl onto a beach with newborn legs and try to flirt with a generic royal dude.
Ariel
This actor spent years yelling at volleyballs on a deserted island before voicing a cowboy doll and getting a university named after him in a movie.
Tom Hanks
This legendary pop diva and actress walked onto the 2024 Grammy stage to hand out an award, but she was completely ignored by a frantic young pop star who grabbed the trophy right out of her hands without even looking at her.
Céline Dion
This Renaissance sculptor absolutely despised bathing and refused to take off his leather boots for so long that when he finally did, his skin reportedly peeled off right with them.
Michelangelo
A global superstar who spent her youth singing about teardrops on her guitar, single-handedly boosted the global economy with friendship bracelets, and became a football fan overnight.
Taylor Swift
An incredibly angry space-dad wears a giant, shiny black motorcycle helmet and spends three movies breathing like an asthmatic robot while choking his employees for failing him.
Darth Vader
He fought a CGI green alien on a volcano, got trapped on Mars twice (once as an astronaut and once in a biodome), and loves buying zoos.
Matt Damon
She legally changed her name to Elle Woods to win a court case with hair care knowledge, later becoming a giant Reese's peanut butter cup mascot in the minds of confused fans.
Reese Witherspoon
This unhinged Spanish surrealist loved his own mustache so much that he had his body exhumed in 2017, only for medical examiners to confirm it was still perfectly intact at 10:10.
Salvador Dalí
A globally famous pop star who wore a dress made entirely of raw meat to an awards show and later hunted down an ancient alien artifact in a sci-fi music video.
Lady Gaga
A completely unhinged alien crash-lands on Earth, moves in with a middle-class suburban family, and spends his entire day drinking beer, ruining the house, and trying to eat the family cat.
ALF
This actor spent an entire movie trapped in a dream inside a dream just to avoid using a passport, and finally won an Oscar for sleeping inside a dead horse.
Leonardo DiCaprio
This action star survived a space parasite in her underwear, adopted a killer robot son in a wasteland, and once fought a giant alien queen with a yellow forklift.
Sigourney Weaver
This French Impressionist got so severely blind from cataracts that his late-career paintings look like a blurry, chaotic mess of giant pond weeds that someone threw into a muddy lake.
Claude Monet
This billionaire pop star forced her entire production crew to build a massive, automated mechanical horse that she could ride across the stadium like a sci-fi disco cowboy.
Beyonce
This anxious, non-verbal yellow bird spends his entire life flying upside down, crashing into trees, and acting as the primary emotional support animal for a deeply depressed beagle.
Woodstock
This martial arts legend spent his early career doing life-threatening stunts only to later spend three movies voicing a tiny, animated red panda who teaches kung fu to a fat bear.
Jackie Chan
A British actress who spent her childhood correcting her friends' pronunciation of magical spells, grew up to marry a beast, and later became a UN ambassador.
Emma Watson
This famous unibrowed Mexican artist spent her entire life painting her own physical misery while trapped inside a plaster body cast after a streetcar aggressively totaled her spine.
Frida Kahlo
She spent years pretending to be a teenage pop star with a blonde wig, swung naked on a giant construction tool, and eventually started a cult based entirely on backyard flowers.
Miley Cyrus
A highly advanced cybernetic assassin travels back in time from a bleak future just to spent two hours aggressively chasing a terrified waitress through a variety of dark alleyways.
T-800 / The Terminator