CLUE DETECTIVE
Detective, your heart is going BOOM-BOOM-BOOM really fast! Is that a brain clue or a body clue? How do you know? And here’s the tricky part…does a fast heart tell us EXACTLY what feeling is here, or could a fast heart happen with more than one feeling?
BODY CLUE! Your heart is part of your body, so a fast heartbeat is something we can notice happening inside us. But a fast heart doesn’t automatically mean one feeling. Maybe someone is worried, maybe they’re excited, maybe they’re scared, or maybe they just ran really fast! That’s why Feeling Detectives don’t see one clue and yell, ‘CASE CLOSED!’ We collect more clues and get curious.
You’ve been trying something REALLY hard. You try and try and try, and FINALLY…YOU DO IT! What feeling might show up? What might your brain say?
ANSWER: Maybe PROUD! Your brain might say, I DID IT! Maybe Happy or Excited shows up too. More than one feeling can visit at the same time.
I’m sitting here playing Jeopardy RIGHT NOW. Where is my Brain Time Machine: BEFORE, NOW, or LATER?
ANSWER: NOW! My attention is right here with what I’m doing. Our brains can visit Before, Now, AND Later. All three places are useful.
QUESTION: COLOR HUNT! I’m picking a color…BLUE! You have 10 seconds to find THREE blue things in this room. Ready…GO! Now tell me: while you were hunting for blue things, did your attention have to be in Tomorrow Land, or did your eyes have to look at what was RIGHT HERE?
ANSWER: RIGHT HERE! Your eyes had to search the room and notice what was actually around you. That’s one way we can help some of our attention come back to NOW. Our brain can still have thoughts about Later, but our eyes can help us notice, Oh! I’m here too!
QUESTION: HELP OR…HUH?! You are REALLY hungry. What would help most: A) eat a snack, B) wear 3 hats, or C) yell PICKLE at the ceiling? Why?
ANSWER: EAT A SNACK! The other choices are hilarious, but they don’t match what you NEED. Before choosing what might help, ask: What is happening? What do I need THIS time?
Your think , ‘What if I don’t know what to do?’ What kind of clue is THAT? What words helped you figure it out? And what feeling do you think MIGHT go along with that thought?
BRAIN CLUE! Thoughts, wondering, remembering, imagining, and those sneaky little ‘What if…?’ questions are all clues we can notice in our brains. ‘What if I don’t know what to do?’ might go along with Worry, but we don’t have to know for sure yet. Detectives can say, ‘Hmm…Worry MIGHT be here. Let me look for more clues.
Your friend takes the toy you were still playing with. What feeling might show up? Mad? Sad? Frustrated? Something else? Could TWO feelings show up at the same time?
Absolutely! Maybe Mad shows up because your brain is thinking, Hey! I was using that! Maybe Sad shows up because you didn’t like what happened. Maybe Frustrated comes too. There isn’t a secret correct feeling. We’re figuring out what MIGHT fit the clues.
My brain says, Remember when I went swimming last summer? Where did my Brain Time Machine go: BEFORE, NOW, or LATER? And is visiting there a BAD thing?
ANSWER: BEFORE! And nope, visiting Before isn’t bad. Our brains are SUPPOSED to remember things. Before can help us remember, learn, and think about things that already happened. Our brains can visit all three places.
QUESTION: SUPER SENSE CHALLENGE! You have 20 seconds to become a SUPER NOTICER. Find ONE thing you can see that you didn’t notice before, ONE sound you can hear, and ONE thing you can feel touching your body right now. GO! What did you find? Were any of those things happening tomorrow, or were they all happening RIGHT NOW?
ANSWER: RIGHT NOW! Your eyes noticed something you could see, your ears noticed a sound, and your body noticed something it could feel. Our senses are really good at giving our brain information about what is happening RIGHT HERE.
BONUS CHALLENGE: Close your eyes for five seconds and see if you can catch a tiny sound you didn’t notice before.
QUESTION: Everyone starts a new game, but you have NO IDEA how to play! What might help: A) ask someone to explain it, B) pretend you understand forever, or C) hop like a frog and hope the directions magically enter your brain?
ANSWER: ASK FOR HELP! This is something we can actually get information about. Sometimes the best tool is asking a question, getting information, or getting help. We don’t have to make Confused or Worried disappear first.
Okay, this mystery has TWO clues. Your hands get really tight AND your brain says, ‘That’s not fair!’ What clues did you spot? Which one is happening in the body? Which one is happening in the brain? And what feeling or feelings MIGHT fit those clues?
We found BOTH kinds of clues! Tight hands are a BODY clue, and ‘That’s not fair!’ is a BRAIN clue. Maybe Mad is here. Maybe Frustrated is here. Maybe both! The important part isn’t finding the one perfect feeling word. We’re learning to notice what is happening inside us so we can understand ourselves a little better.
You thought you were having pizza tonight, but then…NO PIZZA. DUN-DUN-DUNNNN! What feeling might show up? And here’s the harder question: why does giving the feeling a NAME help more than just going, AHHHHH! SOMETHING IS HAPPENING!?
Maybe DISAPPOINTED! Maybe your brain says, Awww, I REALLY wanted pizza! Naming helps us know a little more about what is happening. Instead of only knowing, AHHH! SOMETHING!, we can go, Ohhh…maybe I’m disappointed. Naming doesn’t make Disappointed disappear. It can give us a little pause and help us understand ourselves better.
ANSWER: BEFORE! And nope, visiting Before isn’t bad. Our brains are SUPPOSED to remember things. Before can help us remember, learn, and think about things that already happened. Our brains can visit all three places.
ANSWER: LATER! Tomorrow hasn’t happened yet, so our brain is wondering about what might happen. The thought is really happening in our brain and the feeling might feel really strong, but we don’t know yet what tomorrow will actually be like.
QUESTION: GROUNDING SPEED ROUND! I’m going to give you four mini missions. Ready? Find something ROUND. Find something SOFT. Find something with a PATTERN. Now push your feet into the floor and tell me ONE thing you notice about how that feels. GO! Where did your attention have to go to finish all of those missions?
ANSWER: NOW! You had to actually look, touch, and notice what was happening around your body. Your brain might still have thoughts about Later, but now some of your attention is here too.
Did I tell you to STOP thinking about tomorrow?
NO! That’s not the goal. We’re not kicking Later out of our brain. We’re helping our attention remember that NOW is here too.
QUESTION: DUN-DUN-DUN! You REALLY wanted to win the game…but somebody else wins. You’re disappointed AND a little mad. What might help: launch the game into space, demand 900 trophies, or come up with some REAL choices?
ANSWER: REAL choices! Maybe say you’re disappointed, take a little space, get support, play another round, or keep playing while still feeling disappointed. There can be more than one helpful choice. The goal isn’t GET RID OF THE FEELING. It’s WHAT DO I NEED NEXT?
You’re about to do something you’ve NEVER done before. Your tummy feels funny and your body feels super wiggly. Hmm…what feeling might be here? Could it be Worried? Could it be Excited? Could it even be BOTH? What other clue would you want to know before making your best detective guess?
TRICK QUESTION — lots of answers could fit! A funny tummy and wiggly body could happen when someone is worried, excited, scared, or even a mixture of feelings. We might want another clue, like what their brain is thinking. ‘I can’t wait!’ might give us different information than ‘What if something goes wrong?’ Our bodies give us clues, but detectives look at the WHOLE mystery.
Tomorrow is a birthday party. One part of your brain says, I CAN’T WAIT! But another part says, What if I don’t know anyone? Uh-oh. Are we allowed to have TWO feelings at the same time?
YES! Maybe Excited AND Worried are both there. Feelings don’t have a rule that says, ONE AT A TIME, PLEASE! Sometimes we have mixed feelings. We can be excited about doing something AND worried because we don’t know exactly what it will be like.
QUESTION: Listen to my brain: What if tomorrow is hard? What if something changes? What if I don’t know what to do? What if I don’t like it? WHAT IF EVERYTHING GOES WRONG?! WHOA! What happened to my Brain Time Machine? Did I have one What-If, or did my brain build a GIANT What-If pile? And do I have to answer every single What-If right now?
ANSWER: My brain got SUPER busy in LATER! One What-If invited another What-If, and another, and another. Thinking about Later isn’t bad. Sometimes it helps us plan. But sometimes Worry asks questions that we just can’t answer yet. We don’t have to figure out tomorrow while we’re still in today.
OH NO! My Attention Remote is stuck on the LATER CHANNEL! My brain is going, What if tomorrow is hard? What if something changes? What if I don’t know what to do? WHAT IF, WHAT IF, WHAT IF?! You have 30 seconds to help me change SOME of my attention back to the RIGHT-NOW CHANNEL. You can make me do a Color Hunt, listen for sounds, use my feet, touch something, notice my breathing, or invent your OWN grounding challenge. YOU are the therapist. What should I do?
ANSWER: You helped some of my attention come back to NOW! Maybe my brain is STILL thinking about Later, and that’s okay. We didn’t destroy the Later Channel. We just helped my attention change channels instead of getting stuck on only one.
QUESTION: Kid 1 is worried because she doesn’t know where to sit. Kid 2 is worried because she thinks, What if tomorrow is TERRIBLE?! They’re BOTH worried, so they need the EXACT same thing. TRUE OR FALSE? What might help each kid?
ANSWER: FALSE! SAME FEELING, DIFFERENT NEED! Kid 1 can ask where to sit because that information is available NOW. Kid 2 can’t know exactly what tomorrow will be like yet. Maybe she gets support, comes back to Now, says I DON’T KNOW YET, and keeps going.
QUESTION: SUPER DETECTIVE CASE! You thought you were going to the playground, but suddenly the plan changes. Your face gets hot, your hands get tight, and your brain says, BUT I WANTED TO GO! What clues did you spot? What feeling or feelings might be here? And if another kid had the SAME plan change, would they HAVE to feel exactly the same?
ANSWER: Hot face and tight hands are BODY clues, and But I wanted to go! is a BRAIN clue. Maybe Disappointed is here. Maybe Mad. Maybe Frustrated. Maybe more than one. Another kid could have the exact same thing happen and feel something completely different. Feelings aren’t a test with one right answer. Our clues help us understand a little more about what is happening inside us.
Two kids walk into the SAME brand-new classroom. Kid One thinks, YES! I can’t wait! Kid Two thinks, What if I don’t know anybody? Which kid has the RIGHT feeling? What might each kid be feeling? Could either kid even have more than one feeling?
TRICK QUESTION! BOTH kids can have feelings that make sense. Kid One might feel Excited. Kid Two might feel Worried. Maybe either kid feels BOTH. The same thing can happen to two people and feel different. Feeling Detectives don’t decide what somebody SHOULD feel. We get curious about their clues.
QUESTION: Tomorrow you’re doing something new and your brain wants to know EVERYTHING. Who will be there? What will happen? Will I like it? Will anything change? Detective, sort it out. What are some things we CAN know right now? What are some things we DON’T KNOW YET? If there’s something helpful we can do right now, what could we do? And what can we say about the things nobody knows yet?
ANSWER: Maybe we CAN know where we’re going, who is taking us, or what we need to bring. But we probably DON’T know exactly how tomorrow will feel or exactly what everybody will do. If there’s a helpful question we can ask or something we can prepare, great! And if there isn’t an answer yet, we can say, I DON’T KNOW YET. I’LL FIND OUT WHEN I GET THERE. Then we can bring some of our attention back to what we’re doing NOW.
QUESTION: YOU’RE THE THERAPIST! My brain is going What if? What if? What if? about tomorrow. Invent your OWN Back-to-Now challenge for me using TWO different senses. I have to actually do it! Then tell me: what was the challenge REALLY helping my attention do?
It helped some of your attention notice RIGHT NOW! Maybe I used your eyes, ears, hands, feet, or body. Worry didn’t have to disappear. Tomorrow didn’t disappear. Your attention just got better at noticing Now too.
BONUS FOLLOW-UP: But I’m STILL worried! DID YOUR CHALLENGE FAIL? Answer: NO! Grounding is not a Worry Eraser.
QUESTION: FINAL CHALLENGE! Tomorrow you’re going somewhere new and Worry starts asking LOTS of What-Ifs. Pick your power-ups: 🗣️ ASK FOR HELP/INFORMATION, 👀 COME BACK TO NOW, 💪 KEEP GOING. Which would you use? Can you use MORE THAN ONE? Does Worry have to disappear first?
ANSWER: You can use MORE THAN ONE! Maybe ask a useful question, get support, bring some attention back to Now, and keep going even while Worry is there. There isn’t one perfect tool for every moment.
WORRY CAN TALK. I CAN CHOOSE.