Ch. 11: The Truth No One Told You About Adult Friendships
What does Mel call it when you go from moving through life with a group (high school --> same classes, same vacation schedule, same age) to being on your own?
What is: The Great Scattering
What example does Mel use in this chapter to teach us that friendships change as you age?
What is: When she encouraged her friend to move closer and she ended up "taking her place" in the friend group due to proximity.
What is Mel's #1 advice for how to change your situation?
What is: Let Me "go first"
- Let ME be the first to introduce myself
- Let ME put myself out there
Humans are hard wired to move towards what ___ right now and to move away from what ___ in the moment?
What is: "feels good/right" and "feels tough"
What is the 3 letter acronym that Mel uses to structure her conversations about change?
What is: The ABC Loop
What are the 3 pillars of friendship?
What is:
- Proximity
- Timing
- Energy
Instead of viewing a faded relationship as a "failure", what word does Mel use to describe a friendship that has reached its natural end?
What is: completion
What does Mel recommend doing immediately after you meet someone new?
What is: Opening your notes/contacts and writing down tidbits of information about the person
Brain scans show that when someone is telling you something negative, your brain does what?
What is: Tunes it out!
What is "social contagion"?
The notion that we are social creatures highly influenced and inspired by the people around us
Scientists found that from the age of 21 through 60, you will spend more time with ___ than your family and friends combined?
What is: co-workers
When you are clinging on to a fading relationship/connection, what are you closing the door to?
What is: new opportunities
How long does it take to get into the full swing of things when your in a new location/job?
What is: 1 year!
You can't change someone's behavior, but you can ___ it?
What is: Influence
What does the acronym from the question above stand for?
What is:
A: Apologize, then ASK open-ended question
B: BACK off, and observe their BEHAVIOR
C: CELEBRATE progress while you continue to model the CHANGE