Editing & Revising
A student is writing a narrative for her language arts teacher about a fantasy land. Read the draft of the narrative and complete the task that follows.
A Glistening Reality
The shadows seemed to evaporate as Tianna emerged from the mountain's cave. Tianna's eyes instinctively squinted due to the sudden transition from darkness to hypnotic glowing that surrounded her. Intense beauty spread before her in every direction. It was as if a layer of glitter covered every aspect of nature. The nearby lake appeared to be pulsating with electricity, and the valley was shining bright. Tianna stepped forward with a newfound confidence. She knew that this would be her home for years to come.
To add more description, select the best phrase to replace the underlined phrase shining bright.
1) Begging for a companion
2) Floating like a lonely cloud
3) extending its arms in happiness
4) sparkling like a diamond in the sunlight
4) sparkling like a diamond in the sunlight
A student is writing a letter to the principal asking that random locker searches not occur in his school. Here is part of the draft of that letter. Read the text. Then, answer the question that follows.
Students deserve to have a place of privacy in school. Their lockers are the only place in school which allows them to store personal belongings. It’s reasonable for students to want to hide personal items from public view. If you search the lockers, and private items come into view, students may be upset.
Which more precise word best replaces the italicized word?
1) embarrassed
2) frustrated
3) elated
4) amused
1) embarrassed
A student is writing a narrative for a literary magazine about a memorable event. Read the draft of a part of the narrative and complete the task that follows.
Thirsty Like Never Before
After an afternoon of physical labor in the backyard, a relentless thirst for water overcame my senses. I imagined an icy glass of liquid bringing relief to the desert in my mouth. With perspiration soaking my shirt and shorts, I headed indoors seeking something to drink. Upon entering the kitchen, I saw an open bag of pretzels and instinctively popped a couple in my mouth. The salty snacks felt very dry on my tongue and gums. I rushed to the cabinet for a glass and immediately filled it at the sink. The lukewarm water washed away the partially chewed pretzels from the inside of my mouth. I had to wait until my second glass of water for the refreshing iciness I had imagined earlier.
To add more description, select the best phrase to replace the italicized phrase.
1) like bits of chalk
2) as hard as stones
3) extremely strange
4) quite unappetizing
1) like bits of chalk
A student is writing a research report about a cat’s vision abilities. Read the source the student found and click on one claim the author makes that is not supported by credible, or trustworthy, evidence.
Source 1: “Cat Eyes” by Dennis Bernier
1) Cats, like most animals, are unable to see in complete darkness.
2) However, cats have better vision during twilight hours than most other animals do.
3) This is because a cat’s eyes are extremely large.
4) Eyesight is not the only thing helping a cat at night; a cat’s whiskers also make it easier for them to move around in the dark.
4) Eyesight is not the only thing helping a cat at night; a cat’s whiskers also make it easier for them to move around in the dark.
Read the sentence and complete the task that follows.
Every farmer should plant a variety of vegetables in their garden.
Choose the correct way to edit the grammar usage error.
1) Every farmer should plant a variety of vegetables in their garden.
2) All farmers should plant a variety of vegetables in his garden.
3) Each farmer should plant a variety of vegetables in their garden.
4) All farmers should plant a variety of vegetables in their gardens.
4) All farmers should plant a variety of vegetables in their gardens.
A student is writing a letter to the editor of the local newspaper about making a donation to the school. Read the draft of a part of the letter and complete the task that follows.
Students nowadays desire to be knowledgeable about current events. What better way to stay up-to-date on what is happening around the community, state, and world than your newspaper? The student council at Butler Middle School would like you to consider donating your fine publication to our school. Having copies of the newspaper would be handy for students and teachers. Your donation could support social studies classes with national and world news. It could also provide language arts classes with informational reading activities.
The student wants to make sure that his word choices are appropriate to convince his audience to donate newspapers. Choose the best word to replace the italicized word.
1) advantageous
2) intelligent
3) representative
4) satisfactory
1) advantageous
A student is writing a project proposal for his social studies teacher about an upcoming report on a U.S. president. Read the draft of the project proposal and complete the task that follows.
A Proposal of Harry S. Truman
For next unit’s “Presidential Presentation” project, I propose to report on President Harry S. Truman and his many important programs. My presentation will focus on President Truman’s accomplishments. For example, he signed the charter to establish the United Nations in his first year of office. Truman believed that one important goal of the United Nations was to keep peace in the world. Another important program of his was the Housing Act of 1949. It helped people get loans to buy homes. It also led to the government increasing the availability of public housing. President Truman contributed to our country in many other ways. Therefore, I believe he is a good project topic.
The student has used a word too many times. Choose the best word to replace the italicized word in the paragraph.
1) signed
2) complete
3) awesome
4) beneficial
4) beneficial
Source 1: “Photographs Lead to Change” by Ellen Dawleson, history professor
Photographs record images of the past, but they can also lead to important changes. Starting in the late 1800s, photographers used their pictures to show American sights that many people would rather not have seen. Jacob Riis took photos of the terrible living conditions of underprivileged people in New York City. Lewis Hine photographed young people working in factories, mines, and other difficult, dangerous jobs. In the 1930s, Dorothea Lange took pictures that showed the desperate situation of people who were barely surviving the economic collapse of the time.
The student found information in different sources. Which piece of information supports the author’s analysis, or examination of information, in Source 1?
1) Like photography, movies have been used as tools to bring about changes in society.
2) Jacob Riis published a book of photos and writing, How the Other Half Lives, in 1890.
3) Dorothea Lange's most moving, influential photograph is "Migrant Mother," taken in 1936
4) Lewis Hine's photographs helped convince lawmakers to pass laws that limited child labor.
4) Lewis Hine's photographs helped convince lawmakers to pass laws that limited child labor.
A student is writing a mystery for an online writing contest. The student wants to revise part of his draft to provide a description of the setting. Read the draft of the mystery and complete the task that follows.
Mystery at the Library
Larry entered the nearly empty, quiet library. A chill ran down his spine as he walked through the lobby and up a winding stairwell. He referred to his note and soon found the table with the mysterious package through a maze of book-lined shelves. Larry looked around, but there was no sign of the person who may have left the package. What could possibly be inside the neatly wrapped box, and why had his admirer chosen this library to leave the package?
Choose the paragraph that would best introduce the narrative by providing a clear description of the setting.
1) The library was difficult to find in the moonlight, but Larry had read the directions several times and knew he was at the right place. The neglected shrubbery around the building hid any interesting architectural elements that the old library possessed. Larry shrugged his shoulders, took a deep breath, and entered the old library.
2) Larry held the picture in his hand as he approached the old building. This was definitely the right place, but it looked as if it hadn't been updated in years. He wondered who would ever frequent a spooky, old fashioned library like this. He was about to find out, because this is where the note had told him to find the package.
3) The massive, ivy-covered library was tucked back from the road and barley visible in the moonlight. It reminded Larry of a spooky medieval castle with its old stone walls, slate roof, and circular towers. Despite his better judgement, Larry took a deep breath and reached for the heavy, wooden double doors of the library.
4) It had taken Larry two hours to drive there, and by now it was well past dusk. Why would the sender of the note drag him all the way out in the country to get the next package? The library was very large and old. Larry decided that it probably didn't contain any books that had been written in this century. Larry pulled the doors open and peered inside the library.
3) The massive, ivy-covered library was tucked back from the road and barley visible in the moonlight. It reminded Larry of a spooky medieval castle with its old stone walls, slate roof, and circular towers. Despite his better judgement, Larry took a deep breath and reached for the heavy, wooden double doors of the library.
A student is writing an essay for his teacher about the differences between elementary school and middle school. Read the paragraph from a draft of the essay and complete the task that follows.
Transition to Middle School
Entering middle school presents/displays a variety of challenges for students. In elementary school, students mostly stay in one classroom during the day—except for gym class and lunch. In middle school, however, students might change classrooms every hour! They also have a different teacher for every subject. It can take a while to remember all the room numbers and names. Another challenge is the need for lockers. Because students move around the building frequently, carrying all of their books throughout the day would be nearly impossible. Lockers provide space to store/collect jackets and personal items, as well as a place for books and supplies. Students can visit their lockers between classes to make sure they have the necessary items for their classes.
For each italicized pair of words, click on the word that is more precise
1) presents
2) store
A student is writing a research report for his science teacher about how animals avoid predators. Read part of the draft of the report and complete the task that follows.
Undercover Animals
In the national parks of South Africa, wild animals have many methods to hide from predators. For instance, cheetah cubs are the color of sand and can camouflage themselves in the sandy brush. The lion has a golden mane and therefore finds it easy to hide itself in the long grasses. The aardvark has pinkish-gray skin so it can hide itself in muddy locations.
The student has used a word too many times. Choose two words to replace the italicized words in the paragraph.
1) advance
2) comfort
3) conceal
4) disguise
5) proceed
6) promote
3) conceal
4) disguise
Source 1: The History of Comic Books by Isaac Pratt
Comic books got their start in the United States in the late 1800s. Though many people consider them simply a form of entertainment for children, they are actually important historical sources. Comic books focus on important issues in the news. The characters in comic strips respond to these issues much like real people. Therefore, they can help readers understand how issues in society were viewed at a particular time.
The student found information in additional sources. Choose two pieces of information that support the author's argument in Source 1.
1) Comic books produced during World War II supported a strong federal government.
2) Comic strips were published in newspapers to make the publications more appealing.
3) Many characters in today's comic books can be traced to the gods in Greek mythology.
4) Modern comic books can be traced to publications that were produced in medieval times.
5) The format of comic books is similar to the sequence of images in ancient cave paintings.
6) Comic book super hero, Captain America, fought for the common good and encouraged social reform.
1) Comic books produced during World War II supported a strong federal government.
6) Comic book super hero, Captain America, fought for the common good and encouraged social reform
A student is writing a project proposal for the school board about creating a school vegetable garden. Read the draft of the proposal and complete the task that follows.
Click on the two sentences that are distracting or do not maintain the focus of the paragraph.
Project proposal for a Vegetable Garden at Baker Middle School
Submitted by Teresa Harrington (8th grader)
Need: Baker Middle School students would like to eat locally grown vegetables rather than store-bought vegetables. The new, cool trend is to eat locally grown food. Additionally, students have no hands-on science opportunities. This garden would enhance students’ science education. The garden area is currently being watered but is full of weeds. This project would put the money being spent on water to good use.
Materials and Cost:
Rental of a tiller $100
Shovels and rakes $200
Seeds/seedlings $100
Fertilizer $50
Outcomes and Benefits: Students will learn how to grow vegetables. They will be using scientific knowledge and exploring possible career options. The school can use the vegetables in the lunch program. This food will be fresher and tastier than what is available from the school’s lunch suppliers. Students find themselves eating too much junk food.
1)Baker Middle School students would like to eat locally grown vegetables rather than store-bought vegetables.
2) The new, cool trend is to eat locally grown food.
3) This garden would enhance students’ science education.
4) They will be using scientific knowledge and exploring possible career options.
5) Students find themselves eating too much junk food.
2) The new, cool trend is to eat locally grown food.
5) Students find themselves eating too much junk food.
A student is writing an article for his school newspaper about maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Read a paragraph from the draft of the article and complete the task that follows.
Secondly, teenagers should also exercise regularly. The qualities of exercise for a teenager include building and maintaining healthy bones, muscles, and joints. Exercise also helps a person maintain weight, build lean muscle, and reduce fat. There is also evidence that exercise helps to maintain appropriate blood pressure and stress levels. And getting enough exercise is simple. All it takes is 20 to 30 minutes of aerobic activity three or more times a week. Choosing the right exercise can be fun. Check out the classes offered in your community or at your school. These facilities typically have many offerings, so there is an activity for almost any person's level of fitness and area of interest. Join up with a friend and get moving!
The student wants to make sure that his word choices are appropriate to inform his audience about regular exercise. Choose the two best words to replace the italicized words.
1) benefits
2) features
3) traits
4) members
5) options
6) things
1) benefits
5) options
A student is writing a research report for history class about the Great Depression. Read the source the student found and the directions that follow.
Source 1: Telegram from Russellville Chamber of Commerce sent to Senator Joe T. Robinson on March 7, 1933
The guaranteeing of bank deposits by the federal government will completely restore confidence in banks and cause an unprecedented revival of business. Anything less than 100% will be accepted by the public as only temporary and will not meet the situation.
The student found another source. Read Source 2. Click on one sentence that has information that conflicts with the information in Source 1.
1) Over 4000 banks closed in 1933, one of the hardest years of the Great Depression.
2) President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed an act in 1933 that created an agency called the FDIC, which stands for the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation, to provide support for banks.
3) The banking insurance agency began in 1934 and thousands of state and national banks were operating in 1935.
4) However, the number of deposits made to these banks continued to decline.
4) However, the number of deposits made to these banks continued to decline.
A student is writing a research report about the California Gold Rush for American History class. Read the source and the directions that follow.
Source 1: Interview of Sutter’s Mill worker for The Times Gazette, March 5, 1858
It was January 24, 1848. I was working one of the saws out at Sutter’s Mill in California Territory when James Marshall, the foreman, came over to inspect our work, really excited. He was holding 10 or 12 pieces of metal that he had found on his rounds. It was gold. We did a few more tests on it just to be sure, but as soon as the first piece was determined to be real, the news that gold was found reached the men in the camp. There were several of us there who were veterans from the Mexican War. We were eager to get home, but once we found gold, we kept working and looking for more.
The student found another source. Select two sentences that have information that conflicts with the information in Source 1.
1) On January 24, 1848, a discovery was made at Sutter’s Mill.
2) That morning a group of mill workers found what appeared to be gold.
3) With help of their foreman, James Marshall, they performed tests on the metallic substance.
4) Word of the discovery quickly spread.
5) Several of the mill workers had come from other parts of the country.
6) They stayed a while longer to search for gold before soon returning to their homes.
2) That morning a group of mill workers found what appeared to be gold.
6) They stayed a while longer to search for gold before soon returning to their homes.
A student is writing a realistic fiction story for a school magazine. Read the draft of the story and complete the task that follows.
Maya slowly approached the front doors of her new middle school wearing the new outfit she had carefully selected for her first day. She had moved just two months ago and even though she had settled into her new home, she was not looking forward to her first day of school. As Maya walked, listening to the sound of her heartbeat, she tried using the various relaxation techniques the counselor at her old school had taught her class. She tried counting backwards from 100 and breathing deeply. She tried to think about something else, like her old friends she had left behind and all the fun they used to have swimming in her backyard pool. Nothing seemed to calm her rattling nerves.
Choose the two best sentences that could be added to the text to help the reader visualize the main character.
1) Maya tried to remember that people usually thought of her as outgoing and friendly.
2) The rich color of Maya's neatly ironed shirt almost perfectly matched her crystal blue eyes.
3) Maya's mother, who always knew the right thing to say, assured Maya that she would fit right in.
4) Maya's new school appeared twice the size of her old school, and she worried she would get lost and miss her first class.
5) Maya, tall and slender, usually moved gracefully, like someone comfortable with herself, but this day her steps were short and halting.
2) The rich color of Maya's neatly ironed shirt almost perfectly matched her crystal blue eyes.
5) Maya, tall and slender, usually moved gracefully, like someone comfortable with herself, but this day her steps were short and halting.
A student is writing a research report for his music teacher about jazz musician Duke Ellington. Read the draft of the beginning of the report and complete the task that follows.
The Great Duke Ellington
Duke Ellington was more than just a great jazz musician and performer. In his career, he wrote over 1000 pieces of music for his jazz band. He designed many of them to last only three minutes so they would easily fit on a record. Later in his career, he expanded his work by writing pieces that lasted much longer. He wrote several things called "suites" that had multiple movements, or sections. In addition to regular jazz pieces, many of his songs were written for movies and stage productions.
The student wants to make sure that his word choices are appropriate to inform his audience about Duke Ellington's music. Choose the two best words to replace the italicized words.
1) arranged
2) composed
3) performed
4) formal
5) ordinary
6) traditional
2) composed
6) traditional
A student is preparing an informational speech for her social studies class about qualities of a good citizen. Read the draft of the speech and answer the question that follows.
Another quality of being a good citizen is following the rules of the society. Societies have many rules to follow, and it is important to abide by them. Rules are made for a reason, such as keeping people safe. For example, people should ride a bike and walk on paths that are good for that kind of thing so that they don't get injured by a motor vehicle. Sometimes rules are meant to keep our communities clean. People are not allowed to throw trash anywhere they want. Good citizens follow the rules in a society to keep people safe and to keep the community clean.
Which more precise phrase best replaces the italicized phrase?
1) around for just such a thing
2) easy to build and maintain
3)designed for these purposes
4) all over the place these days
3) designed for these purposes
A student is writing a research report about how foods affect the brain. He found a trustworthy source. Read Source 1 and the directions that follow.
Source 1: “New Study Helps Explain Food Choices” by Emilia Weinberger, health reporter
In 2010, researchers at Scripps Research Institute in Florida found that foods high in sugar and fat may be habit-forming because they affect the brain's pleasure centers. The researchers offered different types of foods to two groups of rats. They fed Group 1 foods that were low in fat and sugar. Group 2 received the same foods along with sugary, high-fat foods such as cupcakes and fatty meats. All of the rats in Group 2 chose to eat only the sugary, high-fat foods, and they increased the amount of these foods they ate over time. When researchers removed these foods, the rats refused to eat the foods that were low in fat and sugar. The researchers concluded that eating too much high-fat, sugary food affects the brain and makes it hard to stop. Applied to humans, the findings have limits. Rats do not know that certain foods are unhealthy, so they cannot make informed food choices. Although the study does not prove humans would be affected like rats, it suggests that people should limit the amounts of high-fat, high-sugar foods they eat.
The student found information in different sources. Which piece of information supports the author's point of view in Source 1?
1) In a recent study at Hallworth University, researchers offered rats their usual food along with a supply of sugary water.
2) The results of the Hallworth University ray study will most likely cause people to avoid eating sugary foods whenever possible.
3) The results of the Hallworth University rat study shows that rats' activity levels increased for a short period of time after they consumed sugary water.
4) In the Hallworth University rat study, researchers found that all rats studied chose to drink sugary water, than consume their regular, sugarless water.
4) In the Hallworth University rat study, researchers found that all rats studied chose to drink sugary water, than consume their regular, sugarless water.