Guilt
T/F: Guilting someone is an effective way to get your needs met.
FALSE! Guilting someone is not an effective was to get your needs met.
Tuesday Group: T/F - Your sober identity is who you are without the impairment of substances
TRUE. Sober identity is who you are without the impairment of substances
What is an example of a 1 on 1 goal to earn incentives?
Something you need to work on, not something you already do. (struggle to brush teeth, try to brush 3 days a week and earn a soda)
What is an example of feeling guilty about something out of your control?
TBD (getting sick and canceling a date, the bus being late and missing a morning meeting, the store running out of sugar and breaking a promise to bake cake, etc)
Monday Group: Your biggest tool to clarifying and de-escalating misunderstandings is c------t r-------n
Your biggest tool to clarifying and de-escalating misunderstandings is conflict resolution
What is Wednesday 2 pm group about?
ART and having a lot of fun
What are three ways someone can feel when being guilted?
irritated, angry, annoyed, mad, upset, fatigued, tired, disgusted, uncomfortable, used, etc
nature: genetics, hair color, eye color, voice, how we look, allergies, etc
nurture: accent, dyed hair, education, etc
When is the best time to have a conversation with the people around you during group?
before group, after group, when instructed to for activity, or not at all please
"You have so much food packed for lunch and I have nothing. I'm so hungry too, your food looks great. I don't have any money but you have some, right? Can I have some of your lunch or some money?"
Is this guilting an example of someone seeking a tangible item, action/service, or feeling
tangible item! The person is guilting you over the fact you have more food and money, trying to make you feel bad that you have more than them to get money or food.
What are two reflective questions you can ask yourself to be aware of guilt?
tbd!
Did I do anything wrong? Why do I feel bad?
Is what happened out of my control?
Can I do anything to make it better?
Do I have all the facts?
Is there any clarifying I can do?
Is this something I've apologized for already?
Do I need to do something else to make it right?
Are they guilting me for something?
(item, action, feeling)
How many groups do I need to go to to earn a special award for hard work?
50!!! You will be alerted when you reach 50, no need to ask!
Your room-mate accidentally broke your favorite mug a week ago. She apologized and replaced it with the same mug the next day. You keep bringing the mug up and hope that she'll be generous after the trouble she caused. You say "since you shattered my favorite cup it's only right you get the bill next time we go out". She starts acting cold towards you and stops sharing with you.
Why do you think the room-mate is acting cold?
How could you fix this situation?
1) She is acting cold because you are guilting her. She already apologized for the accident and replaced the mug, there is nothing else she can do. Telling her she owes you more is an example of tangible guilt (money/food)
2) You can ask yourself reflective questions and then communicate with her.
ex: "was there already a solution?" "did I do anything wrong?" - "Can you explain why you're upset with me?" "I'm sorry I pushed you, that wasn't fair."
Monday Group: You and a friend go to a store and look at clothes. You tell them you like the red jacket but it is out of your budget and you'd like to save up for it as a goal. Later that day your friend gives you the red jacket and says "Oh I stole it for you because you said you wanted it, right?"
1) What is the misunderstanding here?
2) What would you do if your friend continued to steal, making you ethically uncomfortable?
1) You wanted to save up for the jacket, your friend thought stealing it was good enough
2) Clarify your comfort levels, or let them go if they continue to make you uncomfortable.
What are two ways you can earn incentives from Madison? (snacks, soda, candy, etc)
Participate in group and set 1:1 goals!