Childhood
she was the priest-raised golden retriever alongside whom Andre grew up
Who is Honey?
she might have been one of Andre's groomswomen, had she not gone crazy at Penn State's summer session
Who is Alexa Sofranko?
a subject Andre never thinks about or uses in his career, and—incidentally—his major
What is Mathematical Economics?
Andre has been watching this juicy medical drama masterpiece for 20+ seasons; he doesn't eat this, no matter how juicy it might be
What is Grey's Anato-meat?
What are addresses?
the nickname given to Andre by his family in Texas; it's Spanish for "skinny"
What is flaco?
Andre was runner-up for 3 of these as high school came to a close (sigh! always a bridesmaid, but never a—oh, wait!)
What are senior superlatives?
working underneath this East Coast convenience store from 2014-2016 led to Andre's not-so-brief period of daily hoagie consumption
What is Wawa?
Mrs. Ficerai's name; one of Andre's favorite tabletop games, in which players work in teams to guess secret words
What is Chi-Codenames?
there's only one thing worse than being under this; it's being over this
What is dressed?
the surprisingly regal name of Andre's childhood home
What is Cranwell Manor?
Andre was there, but she led the bust that accidentally shut down a party of our peers in senior year (sorry, Dan)
Who is Mel-Cop?
these two ladies with rhyming names were both Andre's roommates, although never at the same time
Who are Benya and Kenya?
the NYC borough in which Andre currently resides; the graduation speaker for the University Pennsylvania Class of 2016
What is Brook-Lin-Manuel Miranda?
a British battleship; one that is among the largest or most powerful of its kind
What is a dreadnought?
he's the titular purple dragon of Andre's favorite video game; in retrospect, he wasn't not part of Andre's sexual awakening
Who is Spyro?
some saw this as a reason to evacuate the school; others knew that the AP Euro test review session was well worth the risk
What is a bomb threat?
the title held by Andre (and, briefly, Eliza Rothstein) during his junior year toe dip into underclassmen hazing
What is Executioner?
one of Andre's favorite films, in which Uma Thurman goes on a roaring rampage of revenge; Frodo's uncle and protagonist of another favorite film, The Hobbit
What is Kill Bill-bo Baggins?
a disreputable person; a rascal
What is a scoundrel?
she was Andre's imaginary best friend (look out! she's got a gun!)
Who is Janie?
she was the Hyundai Sonata Andre drove—back when he could drive
Who is Holly Golightly?
the reason the Penn police assigned Andre a "personal detective" in the fall semester of his freshman year; not even John could love Andre the way this did
Who is Andre's stalker?
Andre's favorite band (Ain't It Fun? or is it just Misery Business?); when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's this
What is Par-amore?
an incident that arouses unpleasant talk or gives rise to scandal
What is an esclandre?