SELF-TALK (CBT)
“You fail a test. What’s a common automatic thought?”
“I’m stupid” / “I suck” / “I’ll never pass”
“My heart is racing so something is wrong.”
Feeling (internal safety)
“What is defusion?”
Creating distance from thoughts instead of believing them
“What is one thing you can do instead of reacting immediately?”
Pause / breathe / wait
“You think: ‘They hate me.’ What should you do first?”
Notice the thought (create space)
“What is self-talk?”
The thoughts your brain automatically says about situations. Or commentary
“No one is yelling but I feel unsafe.”
Feeling
“Change this: ‘I’m failing’ into defusion.”
“I’m having the thought that I’m failing”
“What creates choice?”
Space between thought and action
“You feel anxious but nothing is happening. What’s going on?”
Internal safety alarm
“True or False: If a thought feels true, it is true.”
False
“You are sitting in class and nothing dangerous is happening.”
Fact
“True or False: You need to get rid of thoughts to feel better.”
False
“Name one healthy response to anxiety.”
Grounding / breathing / reaching out / taking space
“What’s one phrase that creates space?”
“I’m noticing…” / “I’m having the thought that…”
“Why does self-talk get more negative under stress?”
Brain goes into protection mode and focuses on avoiding pain, not accuracy
“Can you feel unsafe and be safe at the same time?”
Yes
What’s the goal of defusion?”
To reduce the control thoughts have over you
“True or False: Doing nothing can be a skillful choice.”
True
“What’s more important: controlling thoughts or creating space?”
Creating space
“You think: ‘If I mess this up, everything is ruined.’
What cognitive distortion is this, and why is it unhelpful?”
Catastrophizing (or all-or-nothing thinking)
It assumes the worst outcome and ignores other possibilities, increasing anxiety and pressure
“Your body feels unsafe, but your environment is calm.
What is happening in the brain/body, and why?”
The nervous system is reacting based on past experiences, not current reality
The brain is prioritizing protection over accuracy
This is a mismatch between internal safety (feeling) and external safety (fact)
“Why is saying ‘I’m having the thought that I’m not good enough’ more effective than saying ‘I’m not good enough’?”
It creates distance from the thought
Reduces emotional intensity and believability
Helps the person see it as a mental event, not a fact
Increases ability to choose a response
“Why does creating space before reacting increase emotional regulation and better decision-making?”
Slows down impulsive reactions
Engages the thinking brain (prefrontal cortex)
Allows for intentional vs automatic behavior
Increases awareness of options and consequences
“You notice your thoughts are loud, negative, and convincing.
What are the 3 steps you can take to handle this skillfully?”
Notice / Name it → “I’m noticing this thought…”
Create space (defusion) → “I’m having the thought that…”
Choose response → pause, ground, or act intentionally