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What are two things you can never eat for breakfast?
Lunch and Dinner
What is always coming but never arrives?
Tomorrow
A girl fell off a 50-foot ladder but didn’t get hurt. How come?
She fell off the bottom step
If you have one, you want to share it. But once you share it, you do not have it. What is it?
A secret
If a plane crashes on the border between the United States and Canada, where do they bury the survivors?
Survivors aren’t buried!
What gets wetter the more it dries?
A towel
What word is spelled incorrectly in every single dictionary?
Incorrectly
What is it that lives if it is fed, and dies if you give it a drink?
Fire
What never asks a question but gets answered all the time?
Your cellphone
How can a girl go 25 days without sleep?
She sleeps at night
What goes up but never ever comes down?
Your age
What can one catch that is not thrown?
A cold
I start out tall, but the longer I stand, the shorter I grow. What am I?
A candle
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is all the time?
A widow
Imagine you’re in a room that’s filling up with water quickly. There are no windows or doors. How do you get out?
Stop imagining
Is it legal for a man to marry his widow’s sister
No, but since he is dead it would be hard to do so.
What goes up and down, but always remains in the same place?
Stairs
What can you hold without touching it at all?
A conversation
Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday?
Yesterday, today, and tomorrow
Robert, my neighbor, a forty-five-year-old blacksmith, is seven feet tall and eats all day long. What does he weigh?
Iron
You spot a boat full of people but there isn’t a single person on board. How is that possible?
Everyone on board is married
A cowboy rode into town on Friday. He stayed in town for three days and rode out on Friday. How is that possible?
His horse is named Friday
Everyone in the world needs it, but they usually give it without taking it. What is it?
Advice
What gets sharper the more you use it?
Your brain
What two words, when combined, hold the most letters?
Post Office