Thinking Mistakes
Define Black & White / All-or-Nothing Thinking
Thinking in extremes. Examples: If you’re not perfect, you’re a total failure. You're either 100% right or 100% wrong. If you don’t get everything you want, it feels like you got nothing. Someone is either good OR bad.
What does dialectical mean?
There is always more than one way to see a situation and more than one way to solve a problem.
Two opposing things can both be true at the same time!
Define validation
Validation communicates to another person that their feelings, thoughts, and actions make sense and are understandable in a particular situation.
What kinds of things can you validate? Give 2 examples
i.e: Feelings, thoughts, behaviors, opinions, beliefs in ourselves and others.
Give an example of a "disqualifying the positive" statement.
:-)
What does this perspective teach us?
It allows us to:
Expand our thoughts and ways of considering life situations.
Unstick standoffs and conflicts.
Be more flexible and approaching.
Avoid assumptions and blaming.
Define Invalidation
Invalidation communicates (intentionally or not, through words or actions) that another person's feelings, thoughts and actions in a particular situation make no sense, are manipulative, stupid or an overreaction, or not worthy of your time, interest or respect.
Name one thing Validation is 'NOT'
Validation DOES NOT equal agreement, approval, problem-solving, complimenting, etc.
Because she is frequently late to school, she is irresponsible.
Which thinking mistake fits this example?
Labelling
What is an example of a dialectical statement?
i.e: "I am doing the best I can AND I can do better."
You can be angry at someone AND still be their friend.
You can love someone AND still set boundaries with them.
Etc.
Why is validation important?
Validation improves relationships. It can decrease conflict and intense emotions. It shows that we are listening, we understand, and we are being nonjudgmental.
You believe you know what other people are thinking even without asking. (i.e. "He is ignoring me so he must not like me anymore")
Which thinking mistake fits this definition?
Mind Reading
What makes "Should Statements" harmful?
"Should statements" impose expectations on how the self, others, and the world should operate, and overestimate how awful it would be if these expectations are not met.
These statements can lead to increased anger, shame, guilt, anxiety when directed toward ourselves, and increased anger, conflict and frustration toward others and the world.
What does "finding the kernel of truth" mean?
Finding what is "true" or "valid" in each perspective.
Each "side" has some truth or value, even if small!
Name 2 ways you can show Level 1 validation
i.e. : active listening, not multi-tasking, making eye contact, being fully present in the moment with someone, etc.
Define Self-Validation
Self-validation: perceiving your own feelings, thoughts and actions as making sense, accurate and acceptable in a particular situation.
What does the RRR skill stand for?
Record, Rationalize, Replace
Name 2 hints for thinking and acting dialectically.
(See "Dialectics How-To Guide").
1. Move to both/and thinking.
2. Practice looking at all side of the situation.
3. Remember there are no absolute truths.
4. Use I feel statements.
5. Accept that different opinions can be valid.
6. Check your assumptions.
7. Do not expect others to know what you are thinking.
What does it mean to validate the valid and not the invalid?
You can still validate the feeling without validating the behavior.
For example: validate someone feeling upset about a low test grade, even though you know he or she didn't study, but don't validate the lack of studying that led to the low grade.
Give one example of an Important Opposite to Balance
Accepting Reality <-> Working to change it
Working <-> Resting
Too Lenient <-> Too strict
Fostering dependence <-> Forcing independence
Making light of problem behaviors <-> Making too much of typical adolescent behavior
Etc.