Dad Jokes
Sometimes when I close my eyes...
I can't _________.
I can't see.
STAHP! I COULDA DROPPED MY ________!
Croissant!
Over 10,000 birds die from ______ ____ _______ every year.
Smashing into windows
What happened to the plant in math class?
It grew square roots.
Squeak Squeaker, ______ ______
Squeak Squeakin
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An ______________.
An investigator.
An Avocado? ________.
Thankssss....
In medieval France, unfaithful wives were made to chase what through the streets naked?
A chicken
What is 111,111,111 x 111,111,111
12,345,678,987,654,321
Mr. Stark, _ ____ ____ ___ _____.
I don't feel so good.
Did you hear about the Italian Chef who died?
He ____ ____.
He pasta way.
Can I get a ______.
HOIYA!
Why is it illegal to own a guinea pig in Switzerland?
Guinea pigs are prone to loneliness
I bought __ dozen oranges, but at what cost?
23
The problem is not the problem.
The problem is your attitude about the problem.
___ ____ _____?
Do you understand?
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no _________.
Great food no atmosphere.
Hurricane Catrina? More like _______ ________.
More like hurricane tortilla.
How many calories do you burn per hour by bashing your head against a wall?
150 calories
Its not even summer and I already have a tan; -----
(Fill in the top and the bottom of the ---)
----
cos
"Reason #2: Look at what I can do."
"What... what does that have to do with anything?"
"No, no.... He's _____ _ ___ ____"
He's got a good point.
A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the zoo is a dog. It was a _________.
It's was a Shitzu
I said whoever throw that paper, ____ _____ _ ___.
Your mom's a hoe
What do 100% of all rapists and murders drink?
Water.
Trump: "For the last ___ years Obamacare has wreaked havoc" (Law signed in 2010)
For the last 17 years
AHAHA, I'm a ______.
Cucumber
(FYI this was my brother talking to his video game)