300
"Fool. My legend dates back to the twelfth century you see. It began on a midsummers day with the sun blazing overhead. No, wait. It was a blustery Autumn day. I was the unsavoury fellow back when it all started. Which was in the winter as I recall. I remember the tough crowd, all the hot babes fought over me that summer. Yes. Yes that's right, it was summer. A scorching midsummer day. I was a dangerous man at the time. And yet, refined somehow. Everyone thought so. They still think so to this day. Although, maybe they didn't think so as much back then. But they definitely said I was dangerous, I'm sure of it...And I know I've always been refined so they must have been thinking it. Yes. Yes indeed. Everyone thought and said and talked about how amazing I was. I'm still amazing of course, but no longer the bad boy that I was back then. On that chilled, frozen winter day. I will continue the re-telling of my legend; But first, there will be a five minute break. Stand still and await my return."
Who is Excalibur?
His 1000 Provisions, you will all now live by these...
No. 001: My mornings start off with a cup of coffee with cream
No. 022: On a refreshing morning, start out with a refreshing greeting
No. 058: Never talk to me when I'm humming to myself
No. 075: Celebrate Excalibur's birthday in grand-style
Excalibur considers every day to be his birthday, thus this task must be performed daily.
No. 172: Seek harmony
No. 202: Only the Grandest toilet is acceptable
No. 278: Never put carrots in my meals
No. 349: Meisters must eat everything, regardless of personal likes and dislikes
No. 452: You must attend my five-hour story telling party
The most important of all 1000 Provisions according to Excalibur. It is the one he won't budge on.
No. 573: Always walk three steps behind me
No. 578: The hero must never tell a lie
No. 602: Food must be prepared with the freshest ingredients
No. 667: You must praise Excalibur at all times
No. 679: Always place a dehumidifier in your room
No. 778: Never mail your mail without a return address and the proper postage, and don't call collect
No. 998: When you order a package for home delivery, you must always use cash on delivery