Family
Your sibling forgets to study, so you write their essay for them.
Carrying (You took responsibility for their work and outcome.)
A coworker shares they’re stressed. You ask, “How can I best support you right now?” and follow their lead.
Caring (You respect their autonomy and offer support.)
Your partner racks up credit card debt, and you secretly pay it off so they don’t have to face the consequences.
Carrying (You’re taking on their responsibility and shielding them from growth.)
Your friend is crying after a breakup. You sit with them and listen without offering advice unless they ask.
Caring (You’re present and supportive without fixing it.)
Your sibling struggles with substance use. You research local support groups and give them the list.
Could be Caring (offering resources, empowering them to choose) OR Carrying (if you push them to attend, monitor, or guilt them into it).
Your child struggles with a project. You encourage them, remind them of resources, and let them complete the work themselves.
Caring (You’re empowering, not micromanaging.)
Your colleague seems stressed about an upcoming presentation. You say: “If you’d like, I can help you practice your slides at lunch.”
Caring — you’re offering support and encouragement without taking over their responsibility.
Your partner tells you they’ve been feeling depressed. You listen, validate their feelings, and gently ask if they would considered talking with a therapist.
Caring (you’re supportive, not forcing solutions).
Your friend keeps canceling plans last minute. You forgive them immediately every time because you feel guilty about being upset.
Carrying (This is bypassing your own boundaries to protect their feelings.)
Your friend constantly vents about their partner. You feel drained but keep listening, because you don’t want them to feel alone.
Could be Caring (staying present, compassionate listening) OR Carrying (if it’s at the expense of your well-being and boundaries).
Your adult child makes a mistake that costs them a friendship. You sit with them in their grief, remind them you love them, and resist the urge to call the other friend to “smooth things over.”
Caring (You support without interfering or rescuing.)
Your coworker forgets to bring part of a group project. You jump in, cover for them, and finish their portion so your boss won’t notice.
Carrying (You shielded them from natural consequences and took on their responsibility.)
Your partner promises to cut back on drinking but keeps relapsing. You start tracking their alcohol use, hiding bottles, and pouring them out when you find them.
Carrying (trying to control their behavior instead of supporting accountability).
Your friend vents about a toxic relationship. You listen, reflect back what you hear, and then gently ask: “Would you like advice, or just someone to listen right now?”
Caring (You’re checking in and letting them choose what kind of support they want.)
Your partner is overwhelmed with work deadlines. You take over all the house chores for the week without asking, so they can focus on their job.
Could be Caring (temporary support, generous act) OR Carrying (if it becomes a pattern and removes their accountability).
Your sibling shows up intoxicated and can’t drive. You take their keys and call them a safe ride home.
Caring (protects immediate safety, respects consequences later).
A coworker shares they’re having panic attacks. You cover their shift once when they ask, and suggest they connect with HR or professional support if it continues.
Caring (short-term support + encouraging resources).
Your partner says they don’t want help with their anxiety. You book them a therapy appointment because you know they really need it.
Carrying (Even with good intentions, you’re removing their agency.)
Your close friend calls late at night several times a week during their divorce. Sometimes you answer, but other times you text: “I can talk tomorrow after work, if you’d like.”
Caring (You’re supportive but also protecting your own boundaries.)
A coworker misses a deadline. You step in and finish the project so the whole team doesn’t get penalized.
Could be Caring (teamwork, short-term solution) OR Carrying (enabling a pattern of avoidance).
Your parent struggles with depression. You cancel all your own plans and responsibilities to monitor their mood constantly.
Carrying (you’re over-functioning and neglecting your own well-being).
Your colleague seems stressed about an upcoming presentation. Without asking, you rewrite their slides and volunteer to present for them so they won’t fail.
Carrying — you’ve taken ownership of their responsibility and removed their chance to grow.
Your partner often forgets their medication. You set a daily alarm on your phone to remind them, and you check in until they take it.
Carrying (This crosses into micromanaging and removes their accountability.)
Someone you love makes a poor financial choice. You blame yourself for not warning them sooner and make attempts to fix it.
Carrying (You’re holding responsibility that isn’t yours.)
Your best friend tells you they want to end a long-term relationship. You share your concerns and encourage them to slow down before making the decision.
Could be Caring (you’re voicing concern because you care) OR Carrying (if you’re trying to control their choice instead of trusting their autonomy).