Astute
My Friend has 6 apples and I take 4, how many apples do I have?
You have 4!
You're in a race, you just passed the person in the last place, what place are you in?
You can't pass the person in the last place because no one's behind him!
You're in a race, you just passed the person in 2nd place what place are you in?
2nd!
When a rooster lays eggs on top of a slanted roof, which way will it roll?
The Roosters do not lay eggs
If you had only one match and entered a dark room containing an oil lamp, some kindling wood, and a newspaper, which would you light first?
the match
If Mrs. John’s bungalow is decorated completely in pink, with the walls, carpet, and furniture all shades of pink, what color are the stairs?
There are no stairs, because bungalows do not have a second floor.
Mary's Father has 5 daughters, Tina, Timie, Tini & Tono, what is the name of the 5th daughter?
Mary!
If a plane crashes on the border between the United States and Canada, where do they bury the survivors?
-Survivors are not buried
What's heavier a pound of feather and a pound of lead?
Neither. They both weigh exactly one pound.
I am full of keys, but I cannot open any door. What am I?
A Piano
Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain on Earth?
Mount Everest! Even if you didn't know about it, it was still the highest mountain in the world.
A boy kicks a soccer ball. It goes 10 feet and comes back to him. How is this possible?
He kicked in up in the air right above him. Gravity!
What word is spelled incorrectly in every single dictionary?
Incorrectly
If a monkey, a squirrel, and a bird are racing to the top of a coconut tree, who will get the banana first?
None, because you cannot get a banana from a coconut tree.
Some months have 31 days, some have 30, and some have 28, How many months have 28 days?
12 months!
A cashier at a butcher shop is 5'9", wears size 8 shoes, and is 32 years old. What does she weigh?
She weighs meat.
Which is correct? “Penguins flies” or “A penguin flies.”
None, because penguins don’t fly
How well do you know the U.S. presidential line of succession? If the vice president were to die, who is supposed to be president?
The current president
How many times can you take away 2 from 100?
Once. After taking the first two, you no longer have a 100.
I have hands, but I cannot clap. What am I?
A clock!
You’re a bus driver. At the first stop 4 people get on. At the second stop 8 people get on, at the third stop 2 people get off and, at the forth stop everyone got off. The question is what color are the bus driver’s eyes?
The same as yours, you’re the bus driver.
If tomorrow I said “the day before yesterday was Saturday”, which day is today?
Sunday
What does this secret message say? Tha twasn treall ys oh ardaf terall
That wasn’t really so hard after all
If Mr. Orange lives in a blue house, Mr. Yellow lives in a green house, and Mr. Red lives in a purple house who lives in the White House?
The president
How many times does the alphabet ‘a’ appear from 0-100?
None