MONEY TALKS
You suddenly get a $20,000 settlement check. The healthiest recovery move is:
Pay bills/save/invest instead of disappearing for 3 days.
“She said she’s crazy but at least she’s honest.”
A warning, not flirting.
The stripper calling you “baby” does NOT mean:
She wants to marry you
Calling your sponsor before making a bad decision is:
Sober.
Spending $400 at the club but complaining about therapy costs:
Guy math.
The fastest way to become broke:
Drugs, gambling, bottle service, or “one more night out.”
If she says “all my exes are psychopaths,” you should:
Prepare to become the next psychopath.
The ATM inside a strip club is scientifically proven to:
Destroy bank accounts instantly.
Texting your ex after midnight because you’re “just bored” is:
Stupid.
Saying “I’m saving money” while ordering DoorDash twice daily:
Guy math.
A man says “I’ll budget next month.” This is called:
Financial denial.
The recovery red flag version of “I can fix her” is:
Dating someone fresh out of chaos to avoid your own growth.
The phrase “she really likes me” usually means:
You tipped too much.
Going to the gym when stressed instead of spiraling is:
Sober.
Buying rims while your check engine light is on:
Advanced guy math.
What is the hardest part about sobriety for most men?
Learning how to deal with emotions, boredom, stress, ego, loneliness, and responsibility without escaping.
The most expensive sentence in addiction:
“I got this.”
You ignore 17 red flags because she’s attractive. This is called:
Temporary blindness.
A sober man leaving a strip club with all his money is considered:
Elite discipline
Thinking you can “just hang around” your old using friends is:
Stupid.
A man says he’s “focusing on himself” while talking to 6 women simultaneously. This is:
Emotional multitasking.
You buy a $700 designer belt while owing your mom money. This is:
Priorities completely backwards.
The most dangerous sentence for sober men:
“Come on, just one drink.”
The most unrealistic fantasy in history:
Thinking you’re the only customer she talks to like that.
Actually feeling emotions instead of escaping them is:
Sober… and annoying sometimes.
“You can’t put a price on happiness” immediately before buying something stupid:
Legendary guy math.