Movies
A televised murder festival, sponsored by a fancy government, to remind the poor people in the sticks who's boss. Every year, they raffle off two dozen teenagers and dump them in a murder-themed park to fight over pointy sticks until only one is left standing. The winner gets a lifetime supply of food and a fancy house, plus probably a lot of nightmares.
Hunger Games
Two perpetually dirty brothers in a classic American muscle car drive across the country to fight every monster from a folklore book they found in their dad's storage locker. Their main strategy for defeating ancient, cosmic evils is to find a random, deceased nerd in a local library and yell at him until he gives them the answer. They die and come back so often that the afterlife is basically a revolving door
Supernatural
Two siblings are dumped at their great-uncle's place for the summer, only to find he runs a low-budget tourist trap dedicated to faking the very same weirdness that is genuinely plaguing the town. They spend their summer vacation pestering every cryptid, zombie, and magical creature in the area with a journal that's basically a supernatural cheat code, all while being menaced by a triangle-shaped dream-demon who really, really likes making deals.
Gravity falls
A five-minute audio evisceration set to a surprisingly danceable beat, in which a man calmly and methodically informs his rival that he is, in fact, a giant weirdo who enjoys throwing suspicious parties and should probably just move out of the neighborhood.
Not like us by Kendrick Lamar
A sentient, sun-bleached cotton ball infused with the spirit of a late-night infomercial host, who communicates primarily in a cascade of superlatives, grievances, and sentence fragments that have been put through a woodchipper.
Donald Trump
A slow-talking man sits on a bench and annoyes strangers by telling them his life story, which accidentally includes every major event in American history for 30 years. Through no skill or understanding of his own, he becomes a college football star, a war hero, a ping-pong champion, and a millionaire, all while being obsessed with his childhood friend who has a pathological fear of being happy.
Forrest gump
A New York police precinct where solving crimes is an occasional and often inconvenient distraction from the important work of holding elaborate, themed costume contests, betraying each other over the title of "Amazing Detective/Genius," and worshipping a single pickle that lives in the breakroom fridge
Brooklyn nine nine
A lanky boy with a stretchy dog and a magic hat who is roughly 1,000 years too young for the job wanders through a rainbow-colored, post-apocalyptic wasteland, solving other people's deeply personal and bizarre problems. His primary method of conflict resolution is yelling "Algebraic!" and hitting things with a golden sword.
Adventure time
A desperate, fiddle-driven plea from a man in stained overalls to a woman , who is apparently wearing a ratty, threadbare dress that he finds overwhelmingly attractive. He seems to be trying to convince her (and himself) that despite their poverty and general dirtiness, they are somehow better than the "poor" and "trashy" people they were the night before.
Come on Eileen
A man who has dedicated his life to achieving the ultimate state of being: a sentient pair of jean shorts and wristbands that can only be perceived by children and through the power of belief. He is a paradox—a 250-pound mass of muscle that is officially classified as invisible.
John cena
A moody orphan with a weird scar on his head is taken away from his boring relatives to attend a special boarding school for electively illiterate children who wear bathrobes all day. The school has moving staircases that enjoy wasting students' time and sentient hats that judge children's life choices. The main villain is a man with no nose who is very, very cross that he failed to murder a baby one time.
Harry potter
A chronically underappreciated high school chemistry teacher with a mustache and a bad cough decides that the best way to provide for his family's future is to become a professional criminal. Using his knowledge of chemical reactions, he starts cooking the world's purest pancake mix in a rolling metal can, partnering with a former student who can't stop saying, "Yo, science!"
Breaking bad
A obnoxious 10-year-old boy on a summer road trip finds a weird alien wristwatch in a meteorite. Instead of telling an adult, he uses it to turn into a variety of monstrous alien forms to fight other, less-friendly monsters, all while his perpetually anxious cousin complains about the collateral damage.
Ben 10
A man who has just discovered the profound power of silence repeatedly begs everyone around him to please, for the love of god, just say something. He is backed by a choir of people who sound like they are gently floating in a sensory deprivation tank, adding to the overall feeling of quiet panic
Say something by Justin Timberlake
A man who is somehow five different people at once, all of whom are more successful than you. He's a former YouTube sketch comedian who collectively decided with himself to become the most interesting person in every room, and then succeeded.
Donald glover
A sad kid who is really, really good with electricity gets mad at God's plan after a car turns his dog into a flat memory. So he digs up his best friend, stitches him back together, and uses the power of sky-lightning to make the corpse walk again. The dog is now a stitched-up zombie, but the kid is just happy to have someone to play fetch with again
Frankenweenie
A teenage girl who has the personality of a wet Tuesday is sent to a boarding school for rich kids with weird hobbies after she tries to murder some teenagers using live piranhas. She then tries to solve a local murder mystery mostly because it's getting in the way of her brooding schedule
Wednesday
A skateboarding kid in New York City has to balance the demanding duties of middle school with his part-time job as a magical, winged reptile responsible for protecting all the magical creatures hiding in the city. His main training consists of his grandpa yelling ancient proverbs at him while he tries to text his crush.
American dragon:Jake long
A slow, plodding, three-note musical news report about the time some rich music fans accidentally set a Swiss resort on fire with a flare gun during a Frank Zappa concert, forcing a band to watch their gear burn from across a lake.
Smoke on the water
A human beach ball with a nose that took a wrong turn, who has built a decades-long career on saying one word—"wow"—with the stunned enthusiasm of a man who has just seen a slightly interesting cloud
Owen wilson
A grumpy history teacher who is violently allergic to snakes keeps ditching his day job to travel the world and steal important cultural artifacts from other, more qualified thieves. He solves ancient, booby-trapped puzzles made by brilliant civilizations by just barely surviving them through a combination of luck, whipping things, and running away
Indiana jones
In a town where the local government's only job seems to be conducting shady experiments on children, a kid with a bad haircut vanishes. Instead of calling the police, his friends team up with a grumpy teenage girl who has the social skills of a feral cat and the superpower of giving herself a nosebleed on command. They discover he's been taken to the local evil dimension, which is just their town but with more sludge and ceiling mucus
Stranger things
Four annoyingly nosy teenagers and their talking dog who is scared of his own shadow travel around in a psychedelic van solving mysteries that are none of their business. Their entire investigative technique involves splitting up, getting chased by a costumed real estate developer, and then accidentally catching him in an overly complicated net-and-pulley system
Scooby doo
A man with a lot of unresolved anger issues and a pop singer with a powerful voice describe the blueprint for the most toxic, self-destructive relationship imaginable, and present it as a passionate love song
Love the way you lie
A man who treated a children's game with the grim, obsessive seriousness of a naval commander planning a midnight raid, and who became famous for his pleasant, cheerful nickname: "The Black Mamba," a moniker inspired by one of the world's deadliest snakes.
Kobe Bryant