Movies
A televised murder festival, sponsored by a fancy government, to remind the poor people in the sticks who's boss. Every year, they raffle off two dozen teenagers and dump them in a murder-themed park to fight over pointy sticks until only one is left standing. The winner gets a lifetime supply of food and a fancy house, plus probably a lot of nightmares.
Hunger Games
Two perpetually dirty brothers in a classic American muscle car drive across the country to fight every monster from a folklore book they found in their dad's storage locker. Their main strategy for defeating ancient, cosmic evils is to find a random, deceased nerd in a local library and yell at him until he gives them the answer. They die and come back so often that the afterlife is basically a revolving door
Supernatural
It’s about a yellow family that does random stuff every day in a weird town. The dad is kinda dumb and messes things up a lot, the kid is annoying, and everything is kinda chaotic and silly. Stuff happens, jokes everywhere, nothing really makes sense sometimes but it’s funny.
The Simpsons
A person who raps and sings a lot about feelings, money, and drama. They switch between styles, drop hits all the time, and somehow stay super famous for years. People pay way too much attention to everything they do.
Drake
A sentient, sun-bleached cotton ball infused with the spirit of a late-night infomercial host, who communicates primarily in a cascade of superlatives, grievances, and sentence fragments that have been put through a woodchipper.
Donald Trump
A slow-talking man sits on a bench and annoyes strangers by telling them his life story, which accidentally includes every major event in American history for 30 years. Through no skill or understanding of his own, he becomes a college football star, a war hero, a ping-pong champion, and a millionaire, all while being obsessed with his childhood friend who has a pathological fear of being happy.
Forrest Gump
A New York police precinct where solving crimes is an occasional and often inconvenient distraction from the important work of holding elaborate, themed costume contests, betraying each other over the title of "Amazing Detective/Genius," and worshipping a single pickle that lives in the breakroom fridge
Brooklyn nine nine
Four annoyingly nosy teenagers and their talking dog who is scared of his own shadow travel around in a psychedelic van solving mysteries that are none of their business. Their entire investigative technique involves splitting up, getting chased by a costumed real estate developer, and then accidentally catching him in an overly complicated net-and-pulley system
Scooby doo
A person who sings and dances in a way that makes everyone go wild. They wear flashy clothes, shake a lot, and somehow become super famous really fast. People can’t stop talking about them, and they change music forever.
Elvis Presley
A man who has dedicated his life to achieving the ultimate state of being: a sentient pair of jean shorts and wristbands that can only be perceived by children and through the power of belief. He is a paradox—a 250-pound mass of muscle that is officially classified as invisible.
John Cena
A moody orphan with a weird scar on his head is taken away from his boring relatives to attend a special boarding school for electively illiterate children who wear bathrobes all day. The school has moving staircases that enjoy wasting students' time and sentient hats that judge children's life choices. The main villain is a man with no nose who is very, very cross that he failed to murder a baby one time.
Harry Potter
A chronically underappreciated high school chemistry teacher with a mustache and a bad cough decides that the best way to provide for his family's future is to become a professional criminal. Using his knowledge of chemical reactions, he starts cooking the world's purest pancake mix in a rolling metal can, partnering with a former student who can't stop saying, "Yo, science!"
Breaking bad
It’s about a random family where the dad is kinda dumb and does stupid stuff all the time. There’s a talking dog for some reason and a baby that acts like an adult. A lot of weird cutaway jokes happen that don’t really connect to anything. It’s chaotic and kinda messed up but supposed to be funny.
Family Guy
It’s a person who sings and dances, always changes their style, and pushes boundaries with fashion and performances. They’ve stayed famous for decades, influenced many other artists, and are known for constantly reinventing themselves while making hits that people remember for years.
Madonna
A man who is somehow five different people at once, all of whom are more successful than you. He's a former YouTube sketch comedian who collectively decided with himself to become the most interesting person in every room, and then succeeded.
Donald Glover
It’s about a family that moves into a house and then the house is basically not normal at all. Weird things happen, like noises and stuff moving, and everyone gets scared. Some ghost expert people show up to fix it but it just gets worse for a while. Lots of dark scenes and jump scares.
The Conjuring
A teenage girl who has the personality of a wet Tuesday is sent to a boarding school for rich kids with weird hobbies after she tries to murder some teenagers using live piranhas. She then tries to solve a local murder mystery mostly because it's getting in the way of her brooding schedule
Wednesday
It’s about a kid and a bunch of dogs that somehow run the whole town and fix every problem. The dogs all have jobs and gadgets and act like professionals for no reason. Something small goes wrong and they treat it like a huge emergency every time. Everyone depends on them way too much.
Paw Patrol
It’s a person who sings and makes music with a dark, moody vibe. They mix pop, R&B, and electronic sounds, and are known for high-energy performances and mysterious looks. Their songs are super popular, often emotional, and they’ve stayed famous for years while influencing lots of other artists.
The Weeknd
A human beach ball with a nose that took a wrong turn, who has built a decades-long career on saying one word—"wow"—with the stunned enthusiasm of a man who has just seen a slightly interesting cloud
Owen Wilson
A grumpy history teacher who is violently allergic to snakes keeps ditching his day job to travel the world and steal important cultural artifacts from other, more qualified thieves. He solves ancient, booby-trapped puzzles made by brilliant civilizations by just barely surviving them through a combination of luck, whipping things, and running away
Indiana Jones
In a town where the local government's only job seems to be conducting shady experiments on children, a kid with a bad haircut vanishes. Instead of calling the police, his friends team up with a grumpy teenage girl who has the social skills of a feral cat and the superpower of giving herself a nosebleed on command. They discover he's been taken to the local evil dimension, which is just their town but with more sludge and ceiling mucus
Stranger things
It’s about some kids in a small snowy town where everything is just completely messed up all the time. People act really weird and say crazy stuff, and things go way too far over small problems. The animation looks super simple but the stuff happening is not simple at all. A lot of it feels wrong but also kinda the point.
South Park
It’s a person who sings, dances, and performs in ways that wow everyone. They invent new dance moves, wear flashy outfits, and make music that millions love. They stay famous for decades and change pop music forever.
Michael Jackson
A man who treated a children's game with the grim, obsessive seriousness of a naval commander planning a midnight raid, and who became famous for his pleasant, cheerful nickname: "The Black Mamba," a moniker inspired by one of the world's deadliest snakes.
Kobe Bryant