BRO, BAR?
My son had heart attack/stroke never called ambulance. He's DEAD
What is Bottom Lounge?
What is a Lie
This is the number of 16 oz pints in a 1/2 barrel keg, assuming no spillage, no overpours, and a perfect universe.
What is 124
"I’m working on something big with corporate."
Who is KAM
This is the sound a rep makes when they realize they never submitted their order but already told the buyer it’s on the truck.
What is "Oh no, Oh no, Oh no"
Unreasonable bouncers, will turn down without reason and will not listen to appeal.
What is Butch McGuires
Putting this next to Miller Lite is how you get it ignored forever.
What is a $14 sour ale
If a bar sells your $300 keg at $7 a pint and actually pours full pints, this is the gross margin before they forget to reorder it.
What is 66%
"Wait, that kicked already?"
Who is ASM
This is the creative lie you tell the buyer when you realize you forgot to transmit their order and the truck’s long gone.
What is a "Glitch in the System"
Cash only in 2024 with a $4 charge to use the ATM. Scam, but fool me once they say.
What is Old Town Ale House
This heinous act involves turning labels away from the glass.
What is shelf blocking.
A 1/4 bbl weighs 87 lbs. Add 50 lbs of emotional baggage from your last sales meeting. This is the total weight of your soul.
What is 137 lbs of pure existential dread.
"I don’t know, ask the account."
Who is BOTH
This is the exact time of day most forgotten transmissions are realized.
What is 4:59pm on a Friday
Your signature about javier baez was classless. Your food also sucks.
What is Murphy's Bleachers
This phrase is used by a bar manager who swears they loved your product, but somehow never reordered, never promoted it, and also never paid their invoice.
What is "it just doesn't sell"
You sell a 1/2 bbl keg for $200. The bar sells 16oz pours for $8. This is the profit they’ll make before claiming “it didn’t move.”
What is $792
"You should definitely follow up, but don’t pressure them."
Who is ASM
Your order didn’t transmit and now the buyer is upset. This is the emotion you fake on the call to make them think it was a system error.
What is genuine shock and disbelief
Worst fish fry I ever had. $23 for 2 over fried cod fillets and a few small greasy potatoes. Beer was good though!
What is Half Acre Balmoral
This is the technical term for when a buyer says “We used to carry that” but you spot your cider in the cooler collecting dust.
What is "Emotional Damage"
You tell an account a 1/6 bbl has 41 pints. They pour it into 20oz shaker glasses “because vibes.” This is how many servings they’ll actually get.
What is 32-34 (plus foam).
“Let’s not overcomplicate this — we’ll just keep it simple, track it weekly, and revisit in Q3.”
Who is the Director of Sales
You scramble to hot shot a keg after forgetting to transmit. This is what your driver texts back.
What is Nah