Types of Cognitive Distortions
When we think in polar opposites, placing people or situations in "either/or" categories
Black or White Thinking
Repeating what you heard or observed to be sure you actually understand what the person is saying. No judgmental language or voice tone!
Reflecting Back (Level 2)
When we hold others fully responsible for something that they may or may not be contributing to
Blaming
“So you are mad at me because you think I lied just to get back at you. Did I get it right?”
Reflecting Back (Level 2)
Betty Bacon: I guess I won the dance competition, but that doesn't really matter because the other pigs are more talented than me in other ways.
Discounting the Positive
When we presume that we know the thoughts, feelings, intentions, motivations, or other internal processes of someone else
Mindreading
Looking interested, listening, and observing. No multitasking.
Paying Attention (Level 1)
When we hold ourselves responsible for an outcome that was not completely under our control
Self-blaming
Smiling at happy statements; looking concerned when hearing something painful.
Paying Attention (Level 1)
Betty Bacon: I will never make my littermates proud. I am the worst sibling to them.
Black or White Thinking
When we reject positive experiences by insisting they don't count for some reason or another
Discounting the Positive
Showing that you see that the person’s thoughts, feelings, or actions are valid, given current reality and facts. Acting as if the person’s behavior is valid.
Acknowledging the Valid (Level 5)
When we expect disaster to strike
Catastrophizing
If you sent a party invitation to the wrong address, say, “I can see why you thought I might be excluding you on purpose.”
Understanding (Level 4)
Betty Bacon: My rat friend Thomas doesn't even like me. He thinks I'm lame.
Mindreading
When we are critical of ourselves or others with a heavy emphasis on the use of "should have," "must," "have to," etc.
Judging (or "Shoulding")
Be yourself! Don’t “one-up” or “one-down” the other person. Treat the other as an equal, not as fragile or incompetent.
Radical Genuineness (Level 6)
When we magnify, enlarge, or alter a present situation to be better or worse than it actually is
Exaggerating
When you are asking a friend for a ride at the end of a long day and the person slumps down, say, “You look really tired. Let me look for someone else.”
Reading Minds (Level 3)
Betty Bacon: I feel so scared about next year's state fair, which means that something bad is definitely going to happen.
Feelings are Facts
When we are sure that something is real or will become real because of our feelings (also known as emotional reasoning)
Feelings are Facts
Looking for how the other person feels, is thinking, or if they are making sense, given the person’s history, state of mind or body, or current events—even if you don’t approve of the person’s behavior, or if their belief is incorrect.
Understanding (Level 4)
When we magnify and dwell on the negative details of a situation while ignoring all positive aspects
Mental Filtering
If you are criticized for not taking out the garbage on your day, admit that it is your day and take it out.
Acknowledging the Valid (Level 5)
Judging ("Shoulding")